Joke thread

[sir baconface]

 

[fanatic1]

It's the late 60s. A ragged hippy type enters a posh restaurant, tucks his napkin in his shirt and brandishes the cutlery. He summons the head waiter and orders.
"Hey man gimme fried chicken man. Not too hot man not too spicy man - but like in the groove man. In the groove"

The waiter returns shortly with a message. He says "I have conveyed your order to our head chef sir. And he's awaiting your pleasure in the kitchen. He's pulled down his trousers and underpants and assumed the position. He'd like you to kiss his arse sir. Not on the left cheek man. Not on the right cheek man. But like in the groove man. in the groove."

 

[bluebc]

 

[Coatigan]

Bloke wearing a raincoat in a cemetery? Max Bygraves.
Indian who has lost his keys? Gungha Din.

Scottish guy looking for his keys outside his front door. Hamish.

 

[balotellishaircut]

Just joined a dating agency for arsonists

Been getting loads of matches

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Just joined a dating agency for arsonists

Been getting loads of matches

Tinder?

 

[dickie davies]

 

[jitsubluedan]

What's the name of a cloakroom attendant in Glasgow?
Angus McCoatup.

Did you hear about the Native American who married a Scotsman?
They had a baby called Hawkeye the Noo…

I’ll get my coat

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Then there was the two Scottish homosexuals, Ben Doone and Phil McCaffity.

 

[chris63]

Read a book the other day called
Ghost in the Attic by Hugo First.