Joke thread

Colin Bells Holdall said:
Big Swifty, these are quite brilliant.
It is about time we had some high brow humour on here.
Do you know any Latin jokes?
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Thank you for your fulsome encomium.

Well, it's not Latin, but..... two Germans go into a Manchester wine bar and one says "Two Martinis, please".

The barman says "Dry?"

The German says "No, zwei, are you deaf?"

And as for Latin, I remember an old Frank Muir/Denis Norden sketch on the radio about soldiers in ancient Rome, and the Roman NCO giving them the order "Quick march! Sinister, dexter, sinister, dexter.....
 
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Big Swifty said:
I like opera. There's one by Johann Strauss about a little rodent that nibbles through tyres on bikes to let the air out.

It's called "Deflator Mouse"....

And one of my favourite arias is the one describing Japanese car workers falling asleep on the night shift.

It's called "Nissan Dorma".

Please don't tell me I have to explain them. But I did invent them myself, believe it or not.
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At least one of these jokes is bats.
 
A bit of bleeding' culture for you.

An English builder is keen to implement the EU’s policy of job mobility, so he advertises a job in an international trade paper. Three applicants turn up: a Frenchman, a German and an Irishman. When the builder interviews them he points out that a basic knowledge of English is essential, especially of terms used in the building trade, so he has devised a little test. He asks each one of them the same question: “ Can you explain to me the difference between ‘girder’ and ‘joist’?”

The Frenchman shrugs his shoulders, admitting that he does not understand the terms. The German also admits that he has no idea.

Before the builder puts the question to the Irishman, he says “I know you speak English, but in the interests of equal treatment I have to ask you the same question as the other two: “What is the difference between ‘girder’ and ‘joist’?”

The Irishman replies, “Sure, everyone knows that. Goethe wrote ‘Faust’ and Joyce wrote ‘Ulysses’.”
 
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