Joke thread

[MarsLlama]

I got kidknapped in Stockholm once. Nice guy.

I keep breaking into bull enclosures at night wearing a red shirt. The police are investigating but I still haven't been charged.

My baby daughter is called Penny, which is a lot of pressure, because if I drop her there's a 50% chance she'll land on her head.

 

[Sam101]

 

[Man-chester copperpot]

3 Irish lads walked into a bar.
After half an hour the landlord asks if their related.
“yes, were all brothers born at the same time, my name is Paddy, his name is Shane, and that’s Tat”
The barman is confused and asked why Paddy & Shane are 6 foot but Tat is only 5 foot?
Well it’s simple says Shane, “our mother breast fed us but unfortunately there was no tit for tat”

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Sam101]

Got my wife a job in MI5 so i don't have to hear about how her day went.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Dial M 4 Mercer]

View attachment 154560

To be fair they are somewhat more interesting to look at than the majority of people’s holiday photos.

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[JRockBlues]

It's really not fair. I write one pun about constipation and I get blocked.

 

[Casey69]

I always wanted to be a paper doll… but I wasn’t cut out for it!

 

[Sam101]

 

[forlorn hope]

 

[forlorn hope]

 

[Sam101]

 

[Sam101]

Why is Mickey Mouse’s helicopter no use in Scotland?



Disneyland...

 

[Sam101]

Sometimes I wake up grumpy.


But other times I let her sleep in.

 

[balotellishaircut]

Did you know that after surgery on his back Quasimodo changed his name to Humphrey.

 

[balotellishaircut]

I thought I saw Shaggy today.


It wasn’t him.

 

[mosssideblue]

 

[Sam101]

Tsunami: silent T
Honest: silent H
Knight: silent K
Queue: silent ueue