Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
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bladdered
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bluethrunthru
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I see where Elon Musk and Zia Yusuf went for apology training
sir baconface
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Failed my interview for a job with the RSPB.
The panel asked me what I could tell them about Barn Swallows.
Me: Didn‘t he invent the bouncing bomb?
The panel asked me what I could tell them about Barn Swallows.
Me: Didn‘t he invent the bouncing bomb?
Yorkshireman takes his dog to the vet.
After x-ray "No wonder he's down in the dumps - look at that condom in there!"
"My God" says the man "Please, Doc, do whatever you can."
The vet reassures him and tells him to go home, he'll update him when there's some news. He can see that the owner is genuinely worried.
10 minutes later, the vet answers his phone:
"It's ok Doc, panic over - the wife's found another one in the cabinet"
(Yorkshireman stereotype used for comic effect - I'm not suggesting that they're all tight. Not all of them :-))
After x-ray "No wonder he's down in the dumps - look at that condom in there!"
"My God" says the man "Please, Doc, do whatever you can."
The vet reassures him and tells him to go home, he'll update him when there's some news. He can see that the owner is genuinely worried.
10 minutes later, the vet answers his phone:
"It's ok Doc, panic over - the wife's found another one in the cabinet"
(Yorkshireman stereotype used for comic effect - I'm not suggesting that they're all tight. Not all of them :-))
Last edited:
Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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Tourist since 1971
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- 7 Mar 2012
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Pure genius. Jack Doherty’s timing and delivery is perfect. One of my all time best sketches
My 18-year-old son won £18 million pounds on the lottery recently and when I tried to ring him to congratulate him he didn't want anything to do with me.
His foster parents must have raised him to be a right prick.
His foster parents must have raised him to be a right prick.
Bill Walker
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bladdered
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A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ''You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?''
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''
''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'''
''Keep going!''
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, ''You now have three wishes.''
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''
''What next?'' begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''
I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. ''One day,'' he begins, ''I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.''
''No shit?'' says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.
''Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'''
''Keep going!''
I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, ''You now have three wishes.''
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ''I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger.'' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, ''What will be your second wish?''
''What next?'' begged the bartender.
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ''I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.'' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!
Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ''You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?''
I looked at her and replied, ''How 'bout a little head?''
