meltonblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 14 May 2013
- Messages
- 6,607
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Why’s he wanking a statute’s cock off??
The camel looks cute.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Late one night, two drunks take a short cut home through the local zoo, but end up falling into the lion's cage.
The lion wakes up and lets out a loud roar.
"I'm getting out of here!" said one drunk.
"Not me," said the other.... "I'm staying for the movie."
The lion wakes up and lets out a loud roar.
"I'm getting out of here!" said one drunk.
"Not me," said the other.... "I'm staying for the movie."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A young guy starts his first Saturday job. His boss asks "Do you know what up selling is?" "No" the boy replies
"Watch this" says the boss as a customer approaches
"Hello, I'd like to buy a new razor please" "Certainly sir, would you like some spare blades to save you a trip next time?"
"That'd be great thanks"
The boss finishes the sale and turns to the boy, "Did you see what I did there?"
"Yep, totally get it" replies the boy
Another customer appears... "Hello, I'd like a pack of tampons please"
"Certainly sir, would you like a lawnmower to go with that?"
"Why on earth would I need a lawnmower?" said the customer.
Well, it would appear your weekend is fucked so you may as well cut the grass!"
"Watch this" says the boss as a customer approaches
"Hello, I'd like to buy a new razor please" "Certainly sir, would you like some spare blades to save you a trip next time?"
"That'd be great thanks"
The boss finishes the sale and turns to the boy, "Did you see what I did there?"
"Yep, totally get it" replies the boy
Another customer appears... "Hello, I'd like a pack of tampons please"
"Certainly sir, would you like a lawnmower to go with that?"
"Why on earth would I need a lawnmower?" said the customer.
Well, it would appear your weekend is fucked so you may as well cut the grass!"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My doctor advised me that the next time I feel anxious about the future, to just think about how far I've come.
I'm not sure how something like 3 feet would make me feel better.
I'm not sure how something like 3 feet would make me feel better.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
One stormy night, there’s a tapping on a door... A man opens the door to see a snail on the step.
“Can I come in?” asks the snail.
“No” says the man, picks up the snail and throws it over the hedge..
2 weeks later, there’s a tap on the door again, and on opening it, the man sees the snail.
“What did you do that for?” says the snail.
“Can I come in?” asks the snail.
“No” says the man, picks up the snail and throws it over the hedge..
2 weeks later, there’s a tap on the door again, and on opening it, the man sees the snail.
“What did you do that for?” says the snail.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A maths teacher asked his class a question...
“What comes after 69?”
Apparently ‘mouthwash‘ isn’t the correct answer.
“What comes after 69?”
Apparently ‘mouthwash‘ isn’t the correct answer.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Tampax have announced that they will be replacing their traditional tampon string with tinsel.
This will be for the Christmas Period only.
This will be for the Christmas Period only.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Got an email from a bored housewife the other day looking for ‘some action’
I sent her some of my ironing to keep her busy.
I sent her some of my ironing to keep her busy.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate has been sleeping with this bloke’s wife and today the sent him this text:
“You go near her again and ill kill you...! Mark my words!”
I replied: “8 out of 10, the word (I’ll ) requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”
“You go near her again and ill kill you...! Mark my words!”
I replied: “8 out of 10, the word (I’ll ) requires an apostrophe and a capital I.”