Joke thread

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says,'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt,

And they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six chidren, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
 
Two Italian men get on a bus...

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
 
It was 1974 and an African-American, Kamal, who was on holiday in Tanzania after graduating from college in the U.S. Alone on a hike through the bush, he came to a clearing and saw a very young elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Kamal approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, he worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put its foot down.

The elephant turned to face him with a rather odd look and stared directly at him for several tense moments. Kamal carefully stood up, frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Finally, the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Kamal never forgot that elephant, or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Kamal was walking through the Denver Zoo with his his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turned and walked over, near to where Kamal and his son were standing. The large elephant stared at Kamal, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring directly at him.

Remembering the encounter in 1974, Kamal could not help but wonder if this was the same elephant. And the longer he wondered, the more he became convinced that it was.

Kamal climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He approached the elephant slowly, and stared up in wonder at the magnificent creature. Then, the elephant trumpeted one more time, wrapped its trunk around one of Kamal’s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant, then.
 
Mbappé has been playing with a mask since he broke his nose against Austria.

teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-film.jpg
 

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