Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

It's a well known fact he's still a virgin

Virgin on the ridiculous perhaps ...

Good to know you're all interested in my personal life....

 

[Lavinda Past]

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab. At home, sitting on Swedish furniture, watching American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, skis in France, fancies Swedish birds, and has a Romanian au-pair.

And the most British thing of all?
"Being suspicious of anything Foreign "

 

[Lavinda Past]

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ranout and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."

I said,"It's on the scales!"

 

[TinFoilHat]

It's a well known fact he's still a virgin

"Was"

 

[JASR]

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab. At home, sitting on Swedish furniture, watching American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, skis in France, fancies Swedish birds, and has a Romanian au-pair.

And the most British thing of all?
"Being suspicious of anything Foreign "

You missed off the polish builder, and the unspecified Eastern European Gardner.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[LWashington]

The cheque is in the post...

I hope he was wearing his protective headgear because that must have been some thunderbastard by Rodri.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Little Johnny went for an aptitude test:

Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Tester : Let's try this another way. If Igive you two bottles of beer, and twobottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Little Johnny : SIX.

Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Little Johnny : SEVEN!

Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Little Johnny: I've already got one rabbit at home!