Joke thread

[davymcfc]

Icy what you did there

You're on thin ice!

A good joke to break the ice!

I bet you weren't expecting such a frost reception.

 

[talkativesprout]

Doctors say Schumachers condition has not changed over night























, He is still an arrogant German ****...

 

[Ifwecouldjust.......]

Fucks sake, its snow joke.

You're just taking the Piste

These puns are going downhill fast.

Bumped

 

[BackofJeanette]

I was out drinking with my mates at a party last night, when I suddenly looked at my phone and noticed 18 missed calls from my wife.

Is she fucking insecure or what?

That's an average of 6 calls a day.

-- Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:34 pm --

I overheard the missus talking about the fact that men can't do 2 things at once, to which I said " actually I can".

While I'm shagging you I'm thinking about your sister!<br /><br />-- Sun Jan 05, 2014 1:35 pm --<br /><br />My wife was very disappointed when she opened her birthday present.

"Socks,'' she moaned ''Fucking Socks?''

''Musical Socks'',I smiled,''if you press that button they play Dancing Queen''

''But i thought my present was going to be a weekend in Wales'',she said.

"It was '', i replied,''but when i asked you if you like the beach in Rhyl,you said you'd prefer Abba Socks''

 

[Tuearts right boot]

You're just taking the Piste

These puns are going downhill fast.

So I see

 

[Tuearts right boot]

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.”
The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.
So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

 

[Phil Meup]

Technology: predictive text is my worst enema!

 

[BackofJeanette]

What have Tom Daley & Michael Schumacher got in common?

They've both got skid marks down the side of their helmets.

 

[foetus]

What have Tom Daley & Michael Schumacher got in common?

They've both got skid marks down the side of their helmets.

 

[blue12]

What have Tom Daley & Michael Schumacher got in common?

They've both got skid marks down the side of their helmets.

Is it very wrong to find that funny ?