Joke thread

[TinFoilHat]

Is the person filming called Mutley by any chance?

That is a shagnasty to be fair.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

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Serious....was on a road trip around the southern states with an ex girlfriend ( between marriages ) and she went to look in a jewelers window in Key West. An American lady was looking at a ring and called her husband over, she told him how much she liked it. I was just slightly behind him at this point and he came out with a classic.
" sure honey it looks great but it also makes you look fat "
We nodded slightly at each other with a knowing smile.....

 

[dickie davies]

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True story
My first job from school and a lad who was a couple of years older at this place was a karate black belt second dan
He was showing us some self defense moves
I held a rolled up piece of corrugated cardboard, probably about ten inches long
He said "come at me"
What he meant was like it was a knife
I used it as a club and twatted him round the head
Everyone burst out laughing at him and his face was full of embarrassment and rage
I legged it and spent the rest of the week avoiding him

 

[fanatic1]

Man walks into a bar and says loudly "Bartender 6 shots - line 'em up!"
Barkeep replies "Wow 6 shots - " what's the occasion?"
Guy replies "1st blow job."
Barman then pours him a 7th shot and says "Congrats man - this one's on me."
Guy replies "Man if 6 shots can't get the taste out of my mouth then nothing will."

 

[balotellishaircut]

This morning my wife found out I’m a transvestite. She told me to get out!
So I packed her clothes and left.

 

[kippaxneil]

My mate Jim Apple gets a lot of grief when people ask who he is in France.

 

[KS55]

My mate Jim Apple gets a lot of grief when people ask who he is in France.

Jim Apple Delicieux d’or.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[LWashington]

True story, many years ago I had to take a test to ensure my fertility was in order (long story) so I had to provide a sample.

The instructions were to place the sample in the receptacle provided but it was so small it was advised to use a larger container first. So the embarrassment of having to take a tug for this purpose was bad enough but Mrs H offered to give me a hand.

I asked her to get me something to capture my output, she went downstairs and returned with the washing up bowl, I said "how much do you think is in there?" was laughing so much it took the tension away.

Was it like this ?