Joke thread
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Lavinda Past
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metalblue
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This made me laugh much more than it should have
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A guy goes into a bar, he says, barkeep, give me a drink. Guy drinks the drink and his legs disappear!
Guy says, barkeep, what the hell? My legs just disappeared! Barkeep says, oh yeah, sorry, that happens sometimes, try another drink and it will go away.
Guy says, okay, give me another. He downs another and his arms disappear!!! Guy says, hey barkeep!!! My arms just disappeared! Now he's freaking out even more.
Barkeep says, sometimes, you gotta take another before it resolves, sorry about that. So the barkeep put another drink in front of him, he grabs it with his mouth, and inhales it down. Next thing you know, his torso disappears! He says, what the hell, barkeep!!! I thought you said this was going to fix me!
Barkeep says, oh shit, it didn't work, guess you better stop while you're ahead.
Guy says, barkeep, what the hell? My legs just disappeared! Barkeep says, oh yeah, sorry, that happens sometimes, try another drink and it will go away.
Guy says, okay, give me another. He downs another and his arms disappear!!! Guy says, hey barkeep!!! My arms just disappeared! Now he's freaking out even more.
Barkeep says, sometimes, you gotta take another before it resolves, sorry about that. So the barkeep put another drink in front of him, he grabs it with his mouth, and inhales it down. Next thing you know, his torso disappears! He says, what the hell, barkeep!!! I thought you said this was going to fix me!
Barkeep says, oh shit, it didn't work, guess you better stop while you're ahead.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
"I'll never forgive the Germans for how they treated my grandfather during the war...
He was passed over for promotion time and time again"
He was passed over for promotion time and time again"
Lavinda Past
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Conjunctivitis.com - That’s a site for sore eyes.
Lavinda Past
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My dog, Minton, ate a shuttlecock last night.
Bad minton.
Bad minton.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A little boy saw his mum getting out of the shower.
He saw her vagina and said, "mummy, why is there a hole down there??"
His mum replied, "Well, sweetie... that's where mummy got hit with an axe."
The little boy said, "Nice shot! Right in the ****."
He saw her vagina and said, "mummy, why is there a hole down there??"
His mum replied, "Well, sweetie... that's where mummy got hit with an axe."
The little boy said, "Nice shot! Right in the ****."