Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I spent 20 minutes banging and slamming around the house and eventually screamed at the kids "Where's that bloody thing that peels the vegetables?"

Apparently she went to stay with her mother a few days ago.

 

[Lavinda Past]

For Sale:

Empty bird cage.

Higher perches available.

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I have long hoped that Will Self would marry an Indian woman called Shatma

 

[Lavinda Past]

My gran died earlier today in a rail accident and I feel really bad about it. After all, I was the one who fitted the curtains.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Today would have been the 100th wedding anniversary of my grandparents, Pearl and Dean.

Or, as we used to call them: Grandma and Grand-papapaa-pa-paa-paa-papapaaa...

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate has just come back from the national housebuilding championships.

He made it through to the semis.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was watching countdown earlier and that Rachel Riley was in a very short skirt.

I got aroused.

Only seven letters, but not bad for a first attempt.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm boycotting the creators of 'Thomas and friends' for ignoring my idea for a new character.

I thought a new 'female' train that keeps losing her cargo would of helped to keep the show fresh.

They never even gave Miss Carriage a chance.

 

[Skr1975]