Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Too soon, too soon.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
What’s the similarity between a woman and a hurricane?
At first, there’s a lot of blowing, but in the end, you'll probably lose your house.
At first, there’s a lot of blowing, but in the end, you'll probably lose your house.
Michael O'Leary, the managing director of Ryanair, arrives in Dublin. He enters a pub and orders a pint of draft Guinness. The bartender nods and says, "That'll be one euro, sir." Surprised, O'Leary replies, "Wow, that's cheap!" and hands over the euro. The bartender smiles and says, "We aim to beat the competition. We're the cheapest brewery in Ireland." "Cheers," O'Leary responds.
Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro."
Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender.
Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you."
O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender.
"I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"
"Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second."
"I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."
Then the bartender notices, "Sir, you don't have a glass. That'll be three euros for one of ours." O'Leary sighs but pays up. He takes his beer and goes to sit down. "Sorry," the bartender adds, "there's a two-euro charge to sit unless you booked online for just one euro."
Annoyed, O'Leary tries to sit but finds the chair too small. "Sir, you're too large for our seats. You'll need an extra spot for four euros," says the bartender.
Frustrated, O'Leary stands up, places his beer on the bar, and shouts, "This is ridiculous! I want to speak to the manager!" "Ah, you've chosen the bar area," the bartender replies politely, "that's two euros more, thank you."
O'Leary turns red with anger. "Do you know who I am?" he yells. "Of course, Mr. O'Leary," replies the bartender.
"I've had enough," says O'Leary angrily. "I came for a quiet drink, and this is how I'm treated? I want to speak to the manager!"
"Certainly, Mr. O'Leary," the bartender says cheerfully. "You can contact him between 9:00 and 9:10 AM every Monday and Tuesday at this number. Calls are free to connect but will cost ten cents per second."
"I'll never come back to this bar!" O'Leary screams. "That's fine, sir, but remember we're the only pub in Ireland selling a pint for one euro."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?
Gloves
Only kidding... he hasn't opened his presents yet.
Gloves
Only kidding... he hasn't opened his presents yet.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My ex used to perform at a strip club but on stage she had anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, jealousy, loneliness, pessimism, self-consciousness, and worry.
She was a neurotic dancer.
She was a neurotic dancer.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Potatoes wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
The first rule of Hide a Vegetable in a Sentence Club is always be true to yourself.
My Rag supporting Brother taking the piss this afternoon about how funny it is seeing the wheels fall off at City,
My reply, its not only the wheels falling off, the doors are off, the front wings are loose & the back axle is dragging behind but the funniest thing is, we are still 5 points above utd!
(as a city fan of over 50 years I realise I might regret that last bit but I felt a lot better)
My reply, its not only the wheels falling off, the doors are off, the front wings are loose & the back axle is dragging behind but the funniest thing is, we are still 5 points above utd!
(as a city fan of over 50 years I realise I might regret that last bit but I felt a lot better)