Joke thread

[Zuriblue]

So this hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty 22-gauge rifle.

After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps this guy on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll do you."

The hunter figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

After the bear leaves, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself a bazooka.

He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"

 

[bucks]

Bloke says " I've just managed to give up drinking, smoking and womanising so I'm off out to celebrate."
His mate says " What're you gonna do?"

 

[Big Swifty]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were of course lovers when they shared rooms at 221b Baker Street. On one occasion Holmes had Watson ready to receive his attentions. He said "Before we start, Watson, I'm going to cut this lemon in half and smear the juice over your bottom."

Watson cried "That's astonishing, Holmes!"

Holmes replied "Lemon entry, my dear Watson"..............

 

[chris63]

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this attractive girl in his office., but she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I'll give you £100 if you let me have sex with you....

The girl looked at him, and then said,'NO!'

Eddie said, Til be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult her boyfriend...so she called him and explained the situation.

Her boy friend says, 'Ask him for £200, and pick up the money really fast He won't even be able to get his pants down.'

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, ‘What took you so long...?’

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,

'The bastard had all pennies !!'

 

[chris63]

Two blood cells met and fell in love but alas it was all in vein

 

[chris63]

 

[Cellarite]

So this hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear and takes with him his trusty 22-gauge rifle.

After a little while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, though, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps this guy on the shoulder and says, "No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can either rip your throat out and eat you alive, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I'll do you."

The hunter figures that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers, bends over, and the bear delivers on his promise.

After the bear leaves, the hunter pulls up his trousers and staggers into town vowing revenge.

He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear once again is gone. A moment later, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know what to do."

Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers and crawls back into town. Now he's really mad, so he buys himself a bazooka.

He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.

When the smoke clears this time, the bear taps him on the shoulder and says, "You're not REALLY here for the hunting are you?"

Is that you Chubby?

 

[Tanzeylee]

Mick hucknalls been arrested after being caught shagging a rabbit





A police source said he was holding back the ears and singing bunnys to tight to mention.

 

[blueish swede]

 

[solley attwell]

Does anyone know the difference between anti perspirant and deodorant ? I spent 2 hours last night on the Internet looking for the answer but I couldn't find any links