dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
I hired an Eastern European girl as a cleaner. It took her five fucking hours to hoover the lounge.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
Turns out she was a Slovak.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
blueonblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 31 Jan 2009
- Messages
- 2,522
Girl; "God I am so f*cking wet, give it to me, give it to me NOW.
Bloke ; " No way are you getting my umbrella"
Bloke ; " No way are you getting my umbrella"
Squelch
Well-Known Member
Always Behind............
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!!..
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!!..
My mate started a business selling bonsai trees. Business is doing so well, he's looking for smaller premises
chris63
Well-Known Member
dark 'n stormy
Well-Known Member
I have got two new hobbies, Bee Gees music and Chinese cooking.
You can tell by the way I use my wok.
You can tell by the way I use my wok.
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
Jesus is on duty at the pearly gates, and sees an old Jewish man shuffling up. Thinking that the guy looks familiar, he steps over and asks the man some questions.
"Name?"
"Joseph"
"And what was your job when you were alive?"
"I was a carpenter"
"And did you have children?"
"Yes, a son...well, not technically the fruit of my loins but I loved him just the same."
"And when you last saw him, did he have any distinguishing marks?"
"Yes, holes through his hands and feet!"
"FATHER!!!"
"PINNOCHIO!!!
"Name?"
"Joseph"
"And what was your job when you were alive?"
"I was a carpenter"
"And did you have children?"
"Yes, a son...well, not technically the fruit of my loins but I loved him just the same."
"And when you last saw him, did he have any distinguishing marks?"
"Yes, holes through his hands and feet!"
"FATHER!!!"
"PINNOCHIO!!!
chris63
Well-Known Member
LWashington
Well-Known Member
I told my girlfriend I'd had sex with her sister .
She said "you disgust me".
I said "No ,we never talked about you at all" .
She said "you disgust me".
I said "No ,we never talked about you at all" .
chris63
Well-Known Member
went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."