Joke thread

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[hammocity]

Woman: "Do you mind if I smoke after sex"?
Man: "I don't give a fuck if you burst into flames. Get out".

In a restaurant I farted, a fellow guest said “how dare you fart before my wife?” I apologised and said “I’m sorry I didn’t know it was your wife’s turn”.

 

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

I have just seen an incredibly loud ABBA tribute band in the shopping centre.

You could 'hear the drums from Nando's'

 

[Dicko69]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Slipper One]

A true story................

Moyes, Guardiola, Vierra, Klopp, and Arteta are in the pub.

Guardiola steps up and buys the first round, Sangrias for everybody and they all enjoy a drink.

Those are soon finished, so Moyes goes to the bar and buys a round of fine malt Whiskeys.

Vierra then takes a turn and goes up to the bar and naturally buys a glass of vintage French red wine for everyone, just to help them relax and unwind from the pressures of management.

When it's Klopp's turn he buys 4 German beers and passes them around to Moyes, Guardiola, Vierra, and one for himself.

Arteta says "Excuse me Mr. Klopp, but where is my beer?"

Klopp replies, "Oh sorry Mikel, this is the 4th round; you're not in it!"

 

[bluethrunthru]

Boris Johnson is Prime Minister

 

[Bill Walker]

Boris Johnson is Prime Minister

I don't live in the UK, but when I see him talking it's just so obvious he doesn't give a shit and is basically lying.

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[ChicagoBlue]

I feel so guilty but this had me in stitches.

Perenium or Caesarean?

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[fanatic1]

Looks like Ainsley Harriot's Big Cock Out instead of Ainsley Harriot's Big Cook Out TV show

 

[JRockBlues]

Apple have shelved their plans to release a smart car. They just couldn't bring themselves to install windows.