Joke thread

[LWashington]

At least they would have had an appropriate song at the funeral

Another one bites the dust

If it was the latest cordless vacuum, they could play Phil's "Something's coming in the AirRam tonight".

 

[SWPISHOME]

The girlfriend just asked me what was I doing on the computer, I said 'looking for cheap flights'. She got very excited and said "I love you" then she got on her knees and gave me the best blow job I've ever had...Which surprised me because she's never been into darts before!

 

[Indaparkside]

The girlfriend just asked me what was I doing on the computer, I said 'looking for cheap flights'. She got very excited and said "I love you" then she got on her knees and gave me the best blow job I've ever had...Which surprised me because she's never been into darts before!

When you shot your load you should have screemed out

That’s the bullseye

 

[LWashington]

The girlfriend just asked me what was I doing on the computer, I said 'looking for cheap flights'. She got very excited and said "I love you" then she got on her knees and gave me the best blow job I've ever had...Which surprised me because she's never been into darts before!

Well cheap flights are sometimes difficult to affix, unless you've got a stiff shaft.

 

[jimharri]

I breed racing geese in my spare time. Don’t mock, there are indeed such birds. If you don't believe me, you're more than welcome to come around and have a quick gander.

 

[sir baconface]

I breed racing geese in my spare time. Don’t mock, there are indeed such birds. If you don't believe me, you're more than welcome to come around and have a quick gander.

Gannet put out a fire?

 

[Sam Armstrong]

Terry Jones finds himself in hell in front of the Devil.

Terry says "Why am I here? What did I do wrong?"

The Devil says “I got a note from Jesus it says "He IS the Messiah and you're a very naughty boy!!!"

 

[Barcon]

I breed racing geese in my spare time. Don’t mock, there are indeed such birds. If you don't believe me, you're more than welcome to come around and have a quick gander.

 

[Indaparkside]

Just remembered this the old ones are the best:)

Guy in court for murdering his wife

Judge you are charged with murdering
Your wife by beating her with a hammer.
Just then a voice from the public gallery shouts out you dirty cvunt.

Judge you hit her 20 times until the hammer broke
Again a voice shouts out you horrible bastard

By now the judge has heard enough who’s this shouting out in my court room
Me your honour replies a man standing up
Judge well I know it’s an appalling crime but you will have to conduct yourself properly or I will get you removed

You don’t understand though replies the man I’m that fuckers neighbour
Every time I asked to borrow a hammer he said he didn’t have one.

 

[its a Barm]

When you shot your load you should have screemed out

That’s the bullseye

I think you will find it was a joke and never really happened