Joke thread

[BackofJeanette]

Judge to defendant do you have anything to say before I sentence you.

Defendant fuck all your honour,

Judge turns to his solicitor what did he just say

Fuck all your honour said the solicitor

That’s strange said the judge I’m sure I saw his lips move.

One of my Dads old jokes!

Thanks for the Memory.

:-)

 

[RadcliffeRick]

If Bernard Manning jokes were banned this thread would be half the pages

 

[bluemoon32]

A madman runs into a launderette, rapes the service girls working there and runs off. Next day the headlines are “Nut Screws Washers and Bolts”.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

A madman runs into a launderette, rapes the service girls working there and runs off. Next day the headlines are “Nut Screws Washers and Bolts”.

Circ Manchester university rag week 1978 ;-)

 

[manclad]

A transporter lorry pulls up outside Nelson Mandela's house and the driver offloads 6 Datsun Cherry cars.
Nelson tells the drive "I didn't order these"
Driver says "Just doing what I was told sir".
Nelson says "I'm going to call the factory boss" which he does.
Factory boss "Sorry sir, the driver misheard", I said take these to Nissan Main Dealer"

Del Boy and Rodders lived at Nelson Mandela's house!!!

 

[Big Swifty]

A man cuts his finger on a gramophone needle.

It turns out later he is HMV positive.

(Always assuming he still has an old gramophone)

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

I know I shouldn’t make snap judgments, but I think Rhythm is a Dancer was shit.

 

[dickie davies]

I know I shouldn’t make snap judgments, but I think Rhythm is a Dancer was shit.

That's as serious as cancer

 

[lefty goldblatt]

I know I shouldn’t make snap judgments.

Go on. You've got the power

 

[Fred_Quimby]

A madman runs into a launderette, rapes the service girls working there and runs off. Next day the headlines are “Nut Screws Washers and Bolts”.

That was on the wall of the expense store in my very first posting in the army in 1967 and it had been there years then.