Joke thread

[Indaparkside]

There’s so many corona virus jokes out there, it’s becoming a pundemic

 

[jimharri]

Just thinking of what it’s going to be like in 5 years time listening to all the Chavs telling darling Covid and Corona to stop fighting and eat their McDonalds.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Wetherspoons pubs aren't officially closing until Tuesday to give their customers time to get back from the toilets!

 

[1.618034]

Last night I asked the Mrs to put on a nurse's outfit.

"Oooh", she said, "What for..?"

I said, "We need a loaf and some toilet roll."

 

[nellyonthewing]

Every time I hear Covid-19 I expect it to be followed by Manchester United 0.

brilliant ..

 

[oakiecokie]

News just in that an ISIS suicide bomber has killed himself and 25 family members after deciding to work from home.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.Fucking brilliant that drone.Still laughing as I type.

 

[antspider]

Went to this club it was quite dark and a lot of people were dancing plucked up the courage to ask this girl to dance, I’m sorry she said I can’t it was only then I noticed she was in a wheelchair I thought she was just sat down. Never mind I said do you fancy a walk I’ll push you and we’ll see if we’ve got out in common, yes she said we’ll go in the park. After walking for an hour or so she said I hope you don’t think I’m to upfront but would you like to fuck me, taken a back a bit I said yes but how “pick me up and put my arms over them rails and I’ll wrap my legs around you” well I did this and fucked the arse of her!! Having finished I took her home where her mum was waiting come in and have a drink I want to thank you for getting her home safely. Feeling a bit guilty I said no it was my pleasure she’s such a sweet girl well at least take this £10 for a taxi,again I refused please she said your such a gentleman most people just leave her on the fence.

Very good. Ha ha ha

 

[yeseye]

I'm Watching the 70s and 80s replays of FA cup games on the BBC at the moment. There's enough bog roll on the pitch that I might have to start wiping my arse on the TV soon.

 

[Blue_eyes]

A bear and a rabbit are both having a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks if he finds that shit sticks to his fur? Why yes, says the rabbit, like anything........ so the bear picks him up and wipes his arse with him.

 

[Indaparkside]

Went to the chemist today to get a packet of half inch condoms, lady serving me said they will only fit a mouse I know I said fucking house is over run with them