Joke thread

[sir baconface]

I woke up to a tap on the door this morning.

Our plumber‘s got such a wicked sense of humour.

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

why did the plumber change careers?

because he'd been tapped up.

 

[yeseye]

I find as I get older I only need 3 shops in my life, Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is all specs and drugs and sausage rolls.

 

[PannickAtTheDisco]

did you hear about the plumber who lost his spanner?

He said it was gut-wrenching.

 

[yeseye]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I told my wife that I heard a Chinese man sing ‘Hero’ at karaoke tonight.
"The Mariah Carey song?" she asked.
"No, Lionel Richie!"

 

[Mr Fraser]

I told my wife that I heard a Chinese man sing ‘Hero’ at karaoke tonight.
"The Mariah Carey song?" she asked.
"No, Lionel Richie!"

I had the chicken dish at the local chinese. I told the waiter, tell the chef this chicken is rubbery.

Water said yes sir, chef always lokes compliments

 

[RadcliffeRick]

I finally got to take the girl that works in our chippy out for an evening. On one of her rare days off work I invited her out for a meal, after that we had a glass of wine. I was so excited when she invited me back to her place after. We were getting romantic and she whispered "what would you like me to do?" I replied "I would love a 69" she replied " if you think I am getting the wok out now you can think again".

 

[BELLENDER]

I'd like to apologise for my behaviour at the photography club this evening.

I just snapped!

 

[Tuearts right boot]

I'd like to apologise for my behaviour at the photography club this evening.

I just snapped!

Did anything develope.