xgorton
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Red and green not to be seen.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Nellies left peg
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Thought it was blue and green.red and green go together unless you are Ronaldo
blue44
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Bigg Bigg Blue
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Except upon a fool
blue44
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Roy Connolly
Billy Keane.
Billy Keane.
blue44
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Sheriff Fatman
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Toad in the hole?
blue b4 the moon
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Shame the imprint is slightly off centre to the car badge.
Aguerooooooo93:20
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- gpc "Never in my lifetime" Now it's EVERY time :-)
Haha Mr White and Brown man van :-)
Safecracker
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A guy arrives home from work at 6.00pm after finishing a 12 hour shift at the factory and sees half a ton of coal piled up on the pavement outside. He goes indoors and there's his wife, his daughter and his daughter's boyfriend watching television.
"You idle sods", he says, "we all knew that the coal outside would be delivered this morning and yet nobody's lifted a finger to shift it. I'm knackered after a long shift so don't expect me to move it"
The other three just ignore him and carry on watching telly.
"All right, all right", the husband said, "do we agree we can't just leave it there otherwise it'll get nicked overnight?"
They nod in agreement but it was apparent there weren't any volunteers.
"Tell you what", the husband said, "how about if we hold a competition between us where the first person to speak gets the coal in?" They all agree to this idea and the competition starts.
After 30 minutes, no-one has spoken and the boy starts getting frisky with his girlfriend on the sofa. He undresses her and they end up going all the way in full view of the others. Still not a word from anyone. After another hour had gone by, the boy starts getting frisky again but this time he has his eyes on his girlfriend's mother. He sidles up to her, gets her on the floor in the middle of the room and after he'd removed various items of clothing he had his way with her too. Stony silence maintained throughout proceedings. Another hour went by and the boyfriend decides to go in the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea. As he reaches to the shelf to get an empty cup, he receives a blast of scalding steam from the boiling kettle and is in agony. He thinks to himself, "Looks like me being the first to speak" and as he opens the door to the living room he asks, "Does anyone know where I can find the Vaseline?"
"Sod it", replied the husband, "I'll get the bloody coal in!"
"You idle sods", he says, "we all knew that the coal outside would be delivered this morning and yet nobody's lifted a finger to shift it. I'm knackered after a long shift so don't expect me to move it"
The other three just ignore him and carry on watching telly.
"All right, all right", the husband said, "do we agree we can't just leave it there otherwise it'll get nicked overnight?"
They nod in agreement but it was apparent there weren't any volunteers.
"Tell you what", the husband said, "how about if we hold a competition between us where the first person to speak gets the coal in?" They all agree to this idea and the competition starts.
After 30 minutes, no-one has spoken and the boy starts getting frisky with his girlfriend on the sofa. He undresses her and they end up going all the way in full view of the others. Still not a word from anyone. After another hour had gone by, the boy starts getting frisky again but this time he has his eyes on his girlfriend's mother. He sidles up to her, gets her on the floor in the middle of the room and after he'd removed various items of clothing he had his way with her too. Stony silence maintained throughout proceedings. Another hour went by and the boyfriend decides to go in the kitchen and make himself a cup of tea. As he reaches to the shelf to get an empty cup, he receives a blast of scalding steam from the boiling kettle and is in agony. He thinks to himself, "Looks like me being the first to speak" and as he opens the door to the living room he asks, "Does anyone know where I can find the Vaseline?"
"Sod it", replied the husband, "I'll get the bloody coal in!"
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