Ah, Humphrey Littleton what a genius. Some of my faves...
Samantha tells me she has to nip off now, as her trusted aged gardener is coming round to identify the mysterious trailing plant that's growing in her privet. Obviously she's keen not to miss him if there's a chance she might have an Old Man's Beard in her bush...
Samantha has to rush off to meet her new footballer friend. He's very busy playing in the first and second rounds of an international, but she says there should be just time to give him a quick kiss between the legs...
...Samantha is off on a dinner date with a gentleman friend from Moscow, who's brought over a variety of caviars and a rare vodka-based apperitif. She says he's going to offer her delicious food in her hotel room, and then liqour out on the balcony...
...Samantha tells me she has to nip out now as she's meeting her new gentleman friend at the local hospital where he's an anaesthetist. He's promised to introduce her to some of his patients, and later on Samantha is hoping he'll let her help him knock one out...
...Samantha needs to nip out now as she has to buy a present for her new gentleman friend, who likes to play with his model boats at bathtime. Samantha says she's thought about him long and hard, and decided to give him a little tug for his birthday...
And my favourite:
...Samantha has to nip out now, as she's off to meet a gentleman friend who's helping her restore some old furniture. She's just purchased an antique chest of drawers which her friend says has suffered from having candles placed on it. Samantha says she's looking forward to stripping her new tall boy while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her...
