Joke thread

blue44 said:
I bought that album as a 14 year old in 1979,its still ace now,I remember one of the photos in the LP sleeve had a rag scarf that had been thrown on stage for him though,he was a rag wasn't he ?
His mum ran a pub in Manchester i think. Johny the fox was about the Manc underworld,jimmy the weed etc part of the quality street gang.
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My all time favourite album.
 
dickie davies said:
I'm really not getting these jokes on the last couple of pages
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Me neither so here's one for you....
Some bloke trying to impress his other half goes into some so called swanky drinks venue in Manchester with a stupid name. He the orders alcohol that no normal bloke has ever heard of and then complains when the 'bartender' called Jerome charges him more than he's currently paying on his mortgage.

And the funny part is, his bike wasn't even outside.
 
There was a private plane charter flying across the Alps. On board besides the pilot was an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a French mountaineer. Suddenly there was a steep descent followed by the pilot's panicky voice across the intercom. "All engines failed. I'm bailing out now. Every man for himself. Problem is only three parachutes left. One of you's unlucky. See ya"

The Englishman speaks first "Well I'm a member of the House of Lords and I must return to vote in a crucial debate." The others quickly assent and he grabs a parachute from the locker and exits. The Scotsman says "I'm a member of the SFA and our brief is to pick the Scottish team for the upcoming Euros. The others agree and he grabs a chute and exits the plane."

The Irishman says "I'm a finalist in the Brain of Britain competition. Confidentially I'm the red hot favourite. I must return to dispel those awful Irish thicko jokes which besmirch our great nation." The other two agree and he grabs a pack and exits the plane. The Welshman says "You might as well go. My life's in ruins. I've nothing to live for. My marriage has collapsed and my business has folded." The Frenchman says "Zut alors mon ami. Let's grab a parachute and leave. The Welshman replies "How can that be There's only one left."

The Frenchman chortles "The Brain of Britain has just strapped on my rucksack."
 
fanatic1 said:
There was a private plane charter flying across the Alps. On board besides the pilot was an Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and a French mountaineer. Suddenly there was a steep descent followed by the pilot's panicky voice across the intercom. "All engines failed. I'm bailing out now. Every man for himself. Problem is only three parachutes left. One of you's unlucky. See ya"

The Englishman speaks first "Well I'm a member of the House of Lords and I must return to vote in a crucial debate." The others quickly assent and he grabs a parachute from the locker and exits. The Scotsman says "I'm a member of the SFA and our brief is to pick the Scottish team for the upcoming Euros. The others agree and he grabs a chute and exits the plane."

The Irishman says "I'm a finalist in the Brain of Britain competition. Confidentially I'm the red hot favourite. I must return to dispel those awful Irish thicko jokes which besmirch our great nation." The other two agree and he grabs a pack and exits the plane. The Welshman says "You might as well go. My life's in ruins. I've nothing to live for. My marriage has collapsed and my business has folded." The Frenchman says "Zut alors mon ami. Let's grab a parachute and leave. The Welshman replies "How can that be There's only one left."

The Frenchman chortles "The Brain of Britain has just strapped on my rucksack."
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I stopped reading at an Irishman participating in Brain of Britain.
Get up with the times man, we gained independence in 1922.
 
mancity2012_eamo said:
I stopped reading at an Irishman participating in Brain of Britain.
Get up with the times man, we gained independence in 1922.
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He could have been one of those Irishmen that sound like they want to rip out yer throat even if they are asking for a bite of your Pot-tay-toe waffle like Ian Paisley
 
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