Joke thread

[Blue_eyes]

My mates just given me a packet of Ultravox crisps.

They taste like ‘nothing to me."

Were they from Vienna?

Ure not going to like them.

I was going to do a pun type reply to the above, but feared it would be met with.................a cold empty silence.

 

[roman totale]

I was going to do a pun type reply to the above, but feared it would be met with.................a cold empty silence.

For Foxx sake.

 

[KS55]

The most important thing about censorship is.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

For Foxx sake.

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

 

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

One song
You’ve only got one song

 

[Out on blue 6]

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

That got me dancing with tears in my eyes

 

[rabby]

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

Or a penis the size of Midge Ure according to Hazel O Conner

 

[Big Swifty]

Can't we have some jokes instead of this crap? This thread was funny once - not any more.

Eheu fugaces labuntur anni.

 

[mat]

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

You have a cold cold heart.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

You have a cold cold heart.

Says Hymn

 

[Dicko69]

 

[dickie davies]

Something didn't half hit my front window with a thud. I went outside to investigate and it's the ball from Sterling's penalty

 

[AlexWilliamsGloves]

Why is it spelled "camouflage"?
Surely it should be spelled

 

[Xhavenjoe]

If anyone doesn't get these Ultravox puns, they have a brain the same size as a midge

Ure right

 

[sir baconface]

upload

 

[ray21]

Ruben Dias is that good,when he shits the bed he still keeps a clean sheet.

 

[Zuriblue]

Scientists are not too concerned about the new Brazilian strain of Corona virus. Apparently it only affects a narrow strip down south.

 

[The Black Shed]

Are locksmiths considered key workers?

 

[A57 the snake]

So this Eskimo’s ski-doo breaks down and he gets it to the local garage , the mechanic says leave it with me come back in an hour,
So the Eskimo returns and the mechanics there and says to the Eskimo I think you’ve blown a seal ? The Eskimo replies’ no mate it’s just a bit of frost bite.....

 

[Bill Walker]

Apparently Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell
In a statement she said:

"The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis"