Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

Yesterday I answered the front door, got told I was ugly then punched in the face by a giant cockroach.

Must be that nasty bug thats going round.

 

[Bill Walker]

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August".....................

 

[Vic]

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

 

[Uwe Already]

I was feeling under the weather so went to a doctor. After an examination, he stated he was baffled so wanted to run some tests.

“I’ll need a urine sample, an excrement sample and a sperm sample” he said.

I replied “I’m in a bit of a rush, is it OK if I just leave my pants with reception?”

 

[dronefromsector7G]

A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry. The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"

 

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[BackofJeanette]

Anyone got a filthy birthday card/gif

 

[Uwe Already]

Anyone got a filthy birthday card/gif

you could possibly make a card from my Father’s Day gift