You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
Sorry... what....…...what ?Why thank you.
Calling @Bill Walker to the thread, Bill Walker to the thread please
manclad
Well-Known Member
This was on many football banners at grounds all around the country back in the 70s/80s.I think he means Jesus saves but Jesus misses the rebound.
The banner would be emblazoned with the words -
"JESUS SAVES"
"BUT TUEART GETS THE REBOUNDS".
Or Keegan/Birtles/Toshack/Osgood/Hurst/SuperMac instead of TUEART.
balotellishaircut
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Mar 2014
- Messages
- 7,311
- Team supported
- City
So far it’s been a strange day today, I found a hatful of money and I got chased down the street by a maniac with a guitar.
blue b4 the moon
Well-Known Member
The idea of a parady post is to start it in a new thread.So far it’s been a strange day today, I found a hatful of money and I got chased down the street by a maniac with a guitar.
What? ;)
Correct and exactly what I was implying lol.This was on many football banners at grounds all around the country back in the 70s/80s.
The banner would be emblazoned with the words -
"JESUS SAVES"
"BUT TUEART GETS THE REBOUNDS".
Or Keegan/Birtles/Toshack/Osgood/Hurst/SuperMac instead of TUEART.
I was brought up in Salford and it used to say ....
Jesus saves but Pearson gets the rebound.
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
It's similar to thisI think this is my favourite all time joke.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £10 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those wankers at Wickes deliver the fucking bricks on time.'
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Blueskying
Member
- Joined
- 16 Apr 2019
- Messages
- 11
- Team supported
- Manchester City
Two friends, a bear and a rabbit were having a shit in the forest. When they were done, the bear asks his rabbit friend, “Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says no. So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
balotellishaircut
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Mar 2014
- Messages
- 7,311
- Team supported
- City
Sounds like the big bad wolf was constipated :)
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping through the forest one day when she suddenly hears rustling in the bushes.
She pushes the branches and bushes aside and suddenly the big bad wolf is sitting in front of her.
"Oh, bad wolf. Why do you have such big red bulging eyes?"
"Fuck off I’m having a shit!”
DrBlueBob
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Jul 2008
- Messages
- 6,686
- Team supported
- Need you ask?
Whilst in no way would I imply that this rather lovely joke is decades old but for decades I have wondered whether the bear should choose another brand of toilet tissue. Surely one requires something that shit actually sticks to rather than not.Two friends, a bear and a rabbit were having a shit in the forest. When they were done, the bear asks his rabbit friend, “Do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit says no. So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.
Fred_Quimby
Well-Known Member
Can I give this 3 likes? Share 4 times already.Priti Patel is touring the countryside in a chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Priti in her usual bullying manner says “ You get out and check - you were driving “ The chauffeur gets out checks and reports that the animal is dead. You were driving go tell the farmer says Priti. Five hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face. My goodness what happened to you ? asks Priti. The chauffeur replies ‘When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whiskey, his wife gave me a slap up meal, and the daughter made love to me’ what on earth did you say ? asks Priti.
I knocked on the door and when it was answered I said to them “ I’m Priti Patels chauffeur and iv just killed the cow.
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
My girlfriend came home from work to find me sitting watching the football..
“I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football it’s all you think about, you care about nothing else," she said.
“I'm also seeing someone else truth be told".
“Really?" I replied.
“What team does he support?"
“I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football it’s all you think about, you care about nothing else," she said.
“I'm also seeing someone else truth be told".
“Really?" I replied.
“What team does he support?"
Mid Wales blue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 30 Jan 2017
- Messages
- 4,907
So would you be, if you’d just eaten the grandma!Sounds like the big bad wolf was constipated :)
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Ask Wayne. He’s known for eating grannies.So would you be, if you’d just eaten the grandma!
BlueMoonRisin’
Well-Known Member
I've just had a pelican burger for dinner...
I enjoyed it but the bill was enormous.
I enjoyed it but the bill was enormous.
Last edited:
DrBlueBob
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 3 Jul 2008
- Messages
- 6,686
- Team supported
- Need you ask?
How many seasons had you been together?My girlfriend came home from work to find me sitting watching the football..
“I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football it’s all you think about, you care about nothing else," she said.
“I'm also seeing someone else truth be told".
“Really?" I replied.
“What team does he support?"
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
She was out of my league anyway..How many seasons had you been together?
crazyg
Well-Known Member
Thought the chant was:Correct and exactly what I was implying lol.
I was brought up in Salford and it used to say ....
Jesus saves but Pearson gets the rebound.
Dennis Tueart walks on water
Stuart Pearson walks on dogshit.
Zuriblue
Well-Known Member
When I worked at Dawson’s I sold Johnny Marr his first guitar. He was looking it over and asked me “what’s that knob at the front?”
i explained “That’s Morrissey.”
i explained “That’s Morrissey.”