Joke thread

In a dive bar in the wilds of Alabama an effeminate, limp wristed man enters. He addresses the bartender "Gin and tonic with ice and slice sweetie" as the redneck clientele stares on, clutching their bud long necks.
"Aint you from round here boy?" he sneers."
"I'm from Pittsburgh honey" the guy responds
The bartender frowns "What's your line of work there?"
He replies "I'm a taxidermist"
The bartender laughs "What the hell's a taxidermist?"
"Well I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and turns to the rest of the bar "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
 
Well I've looked through a few hundred pages, it's probably in there somewhere but I've not found it yet, so here is my favourite joke of all time:

Why do Scuba divers roll backwards into the water?
Because if they rolled forwards they'd still be in the boat.
 
A little known fact is that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5 and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

*Courtesy Big Joe Henry
 
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