Joke thread

A while ago me and the missus fell out with another couple in a really bad way, which ended in a violent confrontation.

Then last week the missus convinced me that its time to bury the hatchet.

After all, it is the murder weapon!!
 
Family Fortunes answers

Something your car can have two of “ Wheels”

A place where you wouldn’t expect to meet a nun “ A brothel”

Something you borrow from your partner “Shoes”

An orange vegetable “Aubergine “

An animal you cannot fit into a Mini car “Mouse”

Something made of wool “Cotton Wool”

An animal with three letters “Lion”

A bad place to fall asleep “Concrete”

A french ferry port “Dover”
 
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Image
 
balotellishaircut said:
Family Fortunes answers

Something your car can have two of “ Wheels”

A place where you wouldn’t expect to meet a nun “ A brothel”

Something you borrow from your partner “Shoes”

An orange vegetable “Aubergine “

An animal you cannot fit into a Mini car “Mouse”

Something made of wool “Cotton Wool”

An animal with three letters “Lion”

A bad place to fall asleep “Concrete”

A french ferry port “Dover”
Click to expand...
Someone answered the something made of wool question with ‘a sheep’
 
My new dog Jack was barking in the middle of the night so figured he may need the toilet.

So I let him out into the back garden, but it was so dark back there I couldn’t see jack shit.
 
A long term patient escapes from the Bradford lunatic asylum. Stripping off all his clothes (as you do) he runs along the canal towpath. He observes two local women washing clothes and ,unable to control his impulses, rapes them both and continues on his merry way drooling at the mouth. The local Bradford Observer reports the incident with the headline.

NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!
 
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