Joke thread

[lefty goldblatt]

It's not even like the names are the most made up thing in it...

I know.
There was at least 8000 at that bread and fish gig
I reckon Swales was in charge of the turnstiles

 

[lefty goldblatt]

They've done a 2020s versions
Jesus' fams were
Tyler
Harrison
Jaxon
Charlee-Boo
Slater
JoJo
Slayer

 

[blue b4 the moon]

They've done a 2020s versions
Jesus' fams were
Tyler
Harrison
Jaxon
Charlee-Boo
Slater
JoJo
Slayer

You could add Fila into that list....I once interviewed a woman who named her child after her favourite trainers, her words not mine.

 

[Cellarite]

I’m not a ghost but I walk through doors everyday without arousing suspicion.

I think it's a play on words and he means she walked "through" the door. As in, walked through the door without opening it or smashing through it.

 

[KS55]

Joseph said to the Virgin Mary:
”Just how Jewish will this baby be?”

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

I assume the creator of that meme doesn’t understand how the bible was translated.

Spoiler alert: Jesus wasn’t Jesus.

According to my understanding of transubstantiation Jesus was a cracker.

 

[Agueroooooooooooo]

"Ever seen an elephant hiding up a tree?"
"No"
"Fucking good at it aren't they?"

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

According to my understanding of transubstantiation Jesus was a cracker.

Thought it was Jacob that was crackers?

 

[Grassland Blue]

"Ever seen an elephant hiding up a tree?"
"No"
"Fucking good at it aren't they?"

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
They paint their toenails red.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No?
Works doesn't it?
------------
How can you tell when an elephant's been in your fridge?

Huge footprints in the ice-cream.
------------
How many elephants can you fit in a mini?

Four.

Two in the front and two in the back.
------------

 

[JASR]

How do elephants hide in cherry trees?
They paint their toenails red.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No?
Works doesn't it?
------------
How can you tell when an elephant's been in your fridge?

Huge footprints in the ice-cream.
------------
How many elephants can you fit in a mini?

Four.

Two in the front and two in the back.
------------

Regarding the elephants, I remember it as a series of jokes…

Q1 how many elephants can you fit in a little red mini?
A1 two in the front, two in the back

Q2 how do you know an elephants been in the fridge?
A2 footprint in the butter

Q3 how do you know two elephants have been in the fridge?
A3 two footprints in the butter

Q4 how do you know three elephants have been in the fridge?
A4 three footprints in the butter

q5 how do you know four elephants have been in the fridge?
A5 there’s a little red mini parked outside!

I’m available for weddings, children’s parties and bar mitzvah’s…

 

[dickie davies]

Regarding the elephants, I remember it as a series of jokes…

Q1 how many elephants can you fit in a little red mini?
A1 two in the front, two in the back

Q2 how do you know an elephants been in the fridge?
A2 footprint in the butter

Q3 how do you know two elephants have been in the fridge?
A3 two footprints in the butter

Q4 how do you know three elephants have been in the fridge?
A4 three footprints in the butter

q5 how do you know four elephants have been in the fridge?
A5 there’s a little red mini parked outside!

I’m available for weddings, children’s parties and bar mitzvah’s…

Why are elephants big grey and wrinkly?

Because if the were small smooth and white, they'd be an aspirin

 

[Grassland Blue]

Why are elephants big grey and wrinkly?

Because if the were small smooth and white, they'd be an aspirin

How can you tell when you've passed an elephant?


The toilet seat won't go down....

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[adelaideblue]

How can you tell when you've passed an elephant?


The toilet seat won't go down....

Why do elephants have big ears…. cause Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransome

 

[NZBlue]

Why do elephants have big ears…. cause Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransome

Arthur?

 

[kippaxneil]

My friend's wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk and never came back.
I asked him how he was coping. He replied, 'Not bad really, I've been using some of that powdered stuff'.

 

[hammocity]

Regarding the elephants, I remember it as a series of jokes…

Q1 how many elephants can you fit in a little red mini?
A1 two in the front, two in the back

Q2 how do you know an elephants been in the fridge?
A2 footprint in the butter

Q3 how do you know two elephants have been in the fridge?
A3 two footprints in the butter

Q4 how do you know three elephants have been in the fridge?
A4 three footprints in the butter

q5 how do you know four elephants have been in the fridge?
A5 there’s a little red mini parked outside!

I’m available for weddings, children’s parties and bar mitzvah’s…

How do you know when 2 responsible elephants have had sex in your garden?

The grass is flattened and your bin liners are full of elephant jizz

 

[JASR]

How do you know when 2 responsible elephants have had sex in your garden?

The grass is flattened and your bin liners are full of elephant jizz

I can’t remember hearing that one when I was 6…

 

[hammocity]

My friend's wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk and never came back.
I asked him how he was coping. He replied, 'Not bad really, I've been using some of that powdered stuff'.

As someone has pulled me up on an old one, here’s one that I saw about 60 years ago!