Joke thread

[balotellishaircut]

Picked up a new Thesaurus today.

It’s nothing to write house about.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

not shure if real or joke, but funny as hell

Scary

 

[kippaxneil]

Listening to Marty Pellow on BBC R2 earlier. Apparently, he's been suffering from arthritis in recent years.
He says he can feel it in his fingers and he can feel it in his toes.

 

[JASR]

Listening to Marty Pellow on BBC R2 earlier. Apparently, he's been suffering from arthritis in recent years.
He says he can feel it in his fingers and he can feel it in his toes.

There’s an experimental treatment for arthritis which has excellent results, but it’s currently very limited in the numbers they can give it to. They’ve applied a lottery type system for potential patients, Marti will be among many ‘wishing I was lucky’

 

[Grassland Blue]

View attachment 104362

Hitching a lift to MK perhaps....

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[Lavinda Past]

.

 

[Agueroooooooooooo]

There's been some great quotes on TV over the years. Sports commentator Steve Ryder once said whilst covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69.”

Twelve of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio

1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'

4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'

5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie ( Arnold Palmer) isplaying so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god !! What have I just said??'

6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'

7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros is feeling great today after a 69 yesterday.'

9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '

10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'

11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]