lefty goldblatt
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- Joined
- 1 Jul 2012
- Messages
- 6,709
The real reason why Foden came home early
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Two newborn babies are in the maternity ward. One aks the other: "Hey, are you a boy, or a girl?"
"I'm a boy" replies the other one.
"How do you know?"
"I'll show you, after the nurse has gone out."
"Okay."
The nurse finishes up with the rest of the kids and leaves.
"So," goes the first baby "how do you know?"
"Look here!" says the second baby, while throwing his blanket off of himself and says "See? I've got blue socks!"
"I'm a boy" replies the other one.
"How do you know?"
"I'll show you, after the nurse has gone out."
"Okay."
The nurse finishes up with the rest of the kids and leaves.
"So," goes the first baby "how do you know?"
"Look here!" says the second baby, while throwing his blanket off of himself and says "See? I've got blue socks!"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Doctor: You’ll be at peace soon
Man: Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is
Man: OMG, what am I going to do?
Doctor: Just give it time, eventually you will meet someone else.
Man: Yeah, I know that, but what am I going to do tonight?
Man: Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is
Man: OMG, what am I going to do?
Doctor: Just give it time, eventually you will meet someone else.
Man: Yeah, I know that, but what am I going to do tonight?
mancity2012_eamo
Well-Known Member
Now don’t take this the wrong way Lavinda, but you really need to get out more.
Get a hobby. Get a dog and walk it.
Get out into the fresh air and clear your mind.
And leave your phone behind.
A carload of Irish nuns are sitting at a red light in downtown Dublin when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside.
"Hey - show us your titties penguins" screamed one drunk.
The mother superior is really shocked, turns to sister Concepta and says "You know I don't think they appreciate who we are - just show them your cross".
The sister rolls down the window and yells "Piss off ya fucking box tossers before I come across, rip yer balls off and feed them down yer throats."
She then turns to the mother superior and says "Was that cross enough Mother?"
"Hey - show us your titties penguins" screamed one drunk.
The mother superior is really shocked, turns to sister Concepta and says "You know I don't think they appreciate who we are - just show them your cross".
The sister rolls down the window and yells "Piss off ya fucking box tossers before I come across, rip yer balls off and feed them down yer throats."
She then turns to the mother superior and says "Was that cross enough Mother?"
Stockton Heath Blue
Well-Known Member
I was singing Beautiful South in my head and wondering why it didn't work.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I've got more than enough hobbies at my age.
I play guitar, have a large music collection and attend gigs with Mrs Lavinda locally and afar... Indeed, we were at Co-op Live watching Liam Gallagher last night.
I'm involved in / watch local club football two or three times a week in the season, having given up my (very long standing) season ticket at City at the end of 23/24.
We've got a great dog and walk it three times a day.
We live in beautiful rural Mid Wales, miles from harmful air pollution, Mrs Lavinda and I have an allotment on our small (3 acre) tree farm, and have a good selection of friends of varying ages.
I don't need to tel you or anyone else all this, but I appreciate that you're only concerned about my well being and thank you for that. However, I think you'll find that I spend a lot less time posting on here than you probably think I do.
I'm just keeping my brain active, having a bit of fun on BM, sharing nonsense, and hopefully entertaining a few fellow FOCs (bloody wasters) on here.
citizen_maine
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- Joined
- 29 May 2011
- Messages
- 17,997
I don't get it
mancity2012_eamo
Well-Known Member
Now that, I actually did laugh at.
You go to gigs and went to Liam Gallagher the other night.
Have you ever thought of contributing to the music threads.
Definitely Maybe was the album for review this week.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Tired of frequent bickerings and heart-wrencing lectures of his spouse, a habitually drunk guy decided to give up drinking.
He went to the priest for purification.
The priest immersed the guy's head three times into a bowl of water, every time chanting, “You are now purified, and your new name is Peter.”
The priest also added:
“The satanic drink inducing demon has been exorcised from your soul. From now on, you won't drink anymore…”.
When the newly named Peter, the purified, returned home, his craving for a hearty drink began to creep into his body and soul before erupting into uncontrollable hysteria.
He instinctively took out a chilled beer from the fridge, dipped it three times into a bowl of water and intoned-
Now you are also pure and your new your name is "Green Tea".
He went to the priest for purification.
The priest immersed the guy's head three times into a bowl of water, every time chanting, “You are now purified, and your new name is Peter.”
The priest also added:
“The satanic drink inducing demon has been exorcised from your soul. From now on, you won't drink anymore…”.
When the newly named Peter, the purified, returned home, his craving for a hearty drink began to creep into his body and soul before erupting into uncontrollable hysteria.
He instinctively took out a chilled beer from the fridge, dipped it three times into a bowl of water and intoned-
Now you are also pure and your new your name is "Green Tea".
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I forgot to say that my bike was outside...
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Try reading the Sweet Soul and Northern Soul threads.
My bike is parked outside both.
mancity2012_eamo
Well-Known Member
Ive not dipped my toe in there yet.
kippaxneil
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 10 May 2007
- Messages
- 316
I went to the doctors this morning and told him of my recurring dreams about Bambi, Cinderella and Snow White.
He said I was suffering from Disney spells.
He said I was suffering from Disney spells.
WickyWain
Well-Known Member
Last edited:
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called ‘Bear’.
He wrote the music you hear on the phone when you've been put on hold.
.
He wrote the music you hear on the phone when you've been put on hold.
.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I got a Womble pepper grinder... it's rubbish.
Everything is either underground or overground.
.
Everything is either underground or overground.
.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Bruce Lee’s only daughter Simone, now makes a living selling mobile phone contracts.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I arrived early at the restaurant last night.
“Do you mind waiting for a bit?” the manager asked.
“Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these drinks to table 9″
.
“Do you mind waiting for a bit?” the manager asked.
“Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these drinks to table 9″
.
Yup, we need to feel pity for someone.