Joke thread

A teacher is teaching sex education to her class.

She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

And little Johnny says, "Yes, it's a penis, my dad has two of them!"

And the teacher says, "Johnny, that is a lie!"

And little Johnny says, "I'm not lying miss, he has a small soft one he uses to have a piss and a big long hard one that he uses to brush the babysitter's teeth."
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all sentenced to 10 years in prison.

Before they each go into their prison cells, they are all granted one wish to help them through it

The Englishman asks for people to come into his cell and talk to him sometimes to keep him company
"no problem" says the prison officer

The Scotsman asks for a dog to be in his cell sometimes to keep him company
"ok" says the prison officer

The Irishman asks for 100 packs of cigarettes
"sure" says the prison officer

A year later, after taking a break from the job, the same prison officer returns to the prison and goes to check on the men to see how they are

The Englishman looks to be doing ok, and thanks the prison officer for allowing him to have people in there to keep him company

The Scotsman is also ok, and thanks the prison officer

The Irishman says "have you got a light?"
 
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