Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I hope someone remembers to go round to wake that bloke from Green Day up on Tuesday morning.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate is selling a couple of dead canaries on Facebook marketplace.

I don’t know how much he's asking but I don't think they're going cheap.

 

[Champions again in 2012]

I just found out cock-fighting is done with chickens....

That's a year of training down the drain.

Welcome back - i for one have missed your contributions to this thread

 

[Dicko69]

 

[northendenton]

View attachment 133145

Dear oh fkn dear

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Come back LP all is forgiven

Must’ve been fucking pissed when I typed this

 

[Vienna_70]

During the Manchester derby on 18/11/2000, dozy David kept going up to George Weah and putting his index finger to his lips, and making the shhhh! Sound.

Finally, Erling's dad went to the intellectually challenged one, and said, "He’s a Liberian, not a librarian!"

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[fulabeer]

 

[Lavinda Past]

A couple were pulled off an easyJet flight for performing a handjob just minutes after take-off.

The girlfriend said she was just returning it to an upright position.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My wife is getting pissed off with me.

Whenever we're out, if I see a Fire Exit sign, I can't help myself... I dash out of the building and stand by the designated Fire Assembly Point.

I suffer from premature evacuation

 

[Lavinda Past]

There is a proposal to build a big new sewage works near our town

As you'd expect, there's a lot of local opposition, but people have to accept that it will bring a lot of new jobs to the area.

 

[JRockBlues]

A couple were pulled off an easyJet flight for performing a handjob just minutes after take-off.

The girlfriend said she was just returning it to an upright position.

How can you get pulled off a flight after take-off? Did they get parachutes?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I kept getting little electric shocks when I touched stuff around the house so the wife said that I should get a pair of leather soled shoes.

I'm pleased to say that it actually worked! I'm genuinely ex-static!