Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

News just in... The Temu warehouse in China has been burned to the ground in a fire.

Loss of goods valued at £75

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I dropped a tub of margarine on my foot last week and it still hurts like hell.

I can't believe it's not better.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My New Year’s resolution is to stop using spray on deodorants

Roll on 2025

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate has been so stressed recently, he's been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.

You know...heroin.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My neighbour is a bit of an artist, so I asked his advice on watercolours.

He suggested blue and grey

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My wife bought me a bread making machine for Christmas.

I've made a loaf, a baguette and a bloomer.

I'm on a roll now!

 

[Lavinda Past]

For Christmas the in-laws got me some roller blades from Poundland.

Bloody Cheapskates.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The average person has sex 89 times a year.

This is gonna be one hell of an afternoon...

 

[Lavinda Past]

My friend told me at his wedding that I was the worst best man ever.

I was speechless.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My neighbour and his girlfriend are in a polyamorous relationship with a door

Luckily it swings both ways

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[BackofJeanette]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My neighbour's kids made a PowerPoint presentation explaining why they should be taken to the water park ...

It has several slides.

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I express my concern over the craziness that’s going on in the world, my good friend always tries to reassure me, saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

I know he means well.

 

[Lavinda Past]

In Spanish, a lot of words start with the letter J. The next letter not so much.


Poor K....?

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[bonespost]