Come back for a long-awaited farewell appearance as I know how much you miss me.
Talking of a win on the pools (oh the irony) for a club that was dragged out of Second Division mediocrity in the late 1950's by the pools money of the Moores family, you have an awfully high opinion of yourselves. If not for that money. Shankly would probably not have agreed to be your manager and you'd still be in the mid-reaches of the Championship in a good year. So don't be knocking investment and financial backing. You hadn't even won the FA Cup in that time, while we'd won it 60 years before you did and won a European trophy first. We're hopefully about to win our fifth PL title in 10 years, while you've won one (and it'll probably be a long time before you win another, seeing as the wheels are coming off). We've matched your League Cup record of 3 consecutive wins and could set a new record if we beat Spurs. That'll be 6 times in 8 years, in a competition your manager can't be arsed about, matching your 8 times overall. On the rare occasions you have got to Wembley, you've embarrassed yourselves. 15 years isn't it since you lifted an FA Cup? Meanwhile we've gained 100 points and won the domestic treble, something you've never managed. So I'd say we're pretty relevant.
Now let's get on to that "worldwide respect and admiration enjoyed by the Red juggernaut up the East Lancs". The truth is that, apart from in your own vivd and deluded imaginations, you're laughed at precisely for thinking that you've got worldwide respect and admiration. You haven't. What you are mostly remembered for is Heysel, thugs causing the deaths of 39 innocent football fans and not showing a shred of remorse for that. Everyone laughs at your "this means more" shite, your deluded sense of self-aggrandisement and everything that comes with that. I can tell you from personal experience that in the two seasons we were fighting it out with you for the title, every non-City fan I came across, either at the Etihad or their own ground, said "For god's sake make sure you win it so we don't have to put up with those red scouse bastards crowing for the rest of time". Every fucking, single one. Worldwide respect and admiration you say?
Then there's your ludicrous notions that you're somehow a "socialist" club. A "socialist club" that was founded by a monied Tory, who got his chequebook out to form you from nothing, much like god formed the heavens and earth, when he wanted to make more money by selling his beer in the ground. The "socialist club" that quotes Shankly on what socialism means yet when Shankly was barely cold in his grave you lobbied for gate money to be kept by the home club, instead of being shared with the visiting club . The "socialist club" that continually lobbied to get more and more from TV money, even if that meant fucking over everyone else in the process. The "socialist club" owned by the ultimate hedge fund, commodity trading capitalists, who saw an undervalued, badly run asset they could make money on, like they could from a poor grain harvest. Owners who are acknowledged cheats as well, whether that's hacking databases or sign-stealing in the MLB. Billionaire owners who thought it was a good idea to furlough staff. Add to that you've got the name of the world's biggest confessed money-launderers on your shirt and another company that's not far behind on your sleeve. And ley's not forget the incredible number of "asthmatics" in your squad. Shame you can't have a nebuliser break on 70 minutes when you run out of steam.
You've had your moment of glory. Your "heavy metal" football has been found out, your manager's run out of ideas and has clearly had enough, and your squad is ageing. You could be out of the top 6 in the next 24 hours and even at the end of the season. With no Klopp and no CL money, you'll be resting all your hopes on Slippy Stevie G to bail you out. And when that doesn't work, you'll be well and truly fucked.
So when you hand over the PL trophy in May, make sure you take a long, lingering look at it. Because you won't be seeing it again for a long, long time.
By-ee.
