aguero93:20
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Or Rugby.chabal said:Look on the bright side foetus.
You don't play cricket for England.
Or Rugby.chabal said:Look on the bright side foetus.
You don't play cricket for England.
foetus said:I'm fine during the day. Just get down in the evening when lying in bed at night, usually bored, wishing I had someone to bounce ideas/thoughts off.
The thing that gets me with my mates is that they don't seem to put in the effort anymore. The usual excuses not to come out are "hanging with the gf" or "not enough money" (even though they've just gone on a weekend trip with the missus the weekend before). Even when I plan things a few weeks in advance I always get replied with a "maybe" or some other reply which hints they're not interested in the slightest.
I'm in that awkward stage where it's a transition between going out partying every weekend or settling down with a missus. I guess I'm still keen for the party side but my mates aren't. I find myself getting very bored, which in turn gives me too much time to ponder on negative thoughts.
Thanks for that post :) My close friends are actually great. I had a D&M with one of them only a couple of weeks ago..and we both got pretty emotional which was a strange thing to be part of. The thing that gets me down sometimes is not having a girlfriend but as people have mentioned already, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.Summerbuzz said:Aye, tough times. But you're right, it's just a stage. Relationships, and friendships in particular, change. Depending on the nature of your friends, I wouldn't be ashamed of telling one or more of them you're finding it hard. That's not attention seeking or being manipulative, it's just being honest. I often think that feeling like you can't reveal your feelings to people in your life is the worst sort of loneliness.
And just because they've settled down doesn't make it the right thing for you to do. Hundreds of millions of guys don't do it till far later in life. Some never do. Doesn't make them tragic or unhappy. Don't feel like you're missing out.
So I'd use this time to;
a: try and put yourself about a bit socially, see if you meet new people you connect with. Volunteer, join clubs, the gym, chat a bit more to the people at the places you go regularly, the people you meet. You come accross as quite honest and in touch. People are (nearly) always happy to meet people like that.
b: very gently figure out what you want in terms of friendships and relationships, and, maybe, why
c: work on yourself. always work on yourself. read, get fit, learn how to cook, dress and groom better, garden, diy, set-up a network and troubleshoot a computer, fix cars, windsurf, speak another language, do double entry bookeeping, play magic the gathering (actually... not that). Whatever. Just keep working on yourself at all times.
foetus said:How though?ColinBellsjockstrap said:Really, nobody has any excuse to be lonely these days.
With modern technology you have facebook, Skype, internet dating sites, forums to chat to like minded people like this one, you are obviously in a bit of a rut and need to drag yourself out of it.
Good luck, take each day as it comes and try not to dwell on things, that never does any good, just compounds the problem.
Facebook and forums can only stimulate you so much.
Traveling is fun but I find I get homesick quite easily. I've never really traveled with a group of friends because they are in relationships or have other excuses not to travel. I actually have a NZ trip booked for July with a couple of mates..but they're taking their gf's so I'm gonna be 5th wheel. I'm still looking forward to it.
Dating sites/apps are quite daunting as I'm pretty low on confidence at the moment. Whenever I'm around girls I've just met I assume they won't see anything in me and doubt myself too much. I've never been confident with girls but my confidence has seemed to nosedive in the last year. It doesn't help that people compare me to my brother (who got all the good genes, is rich, good with girls etc).
I wouldn't classify myself as depressed. I generally enjoy life, don't mind my job, have enough money to go to concerts and nightclubs etc. Just feel lonely when I see all the posts of people on my facebook happy in a relationship and getting married and all that stuff.
foetus said:I'm fine during the day. Just get down in the evening when lying in bed at night, usually bored, wishing I had someone to bounce ideas/thoughts off.peoffrey said:foetus said:Anyone else suffer it?
Been struggling with it for a while. I'm generally a pretty happy go lucky kinda guy but I feel like I'll never find a missus. My confidence seems to be getting worse and worse. I'm only 24 but pretty much all my mates are in long term relationships I feel left out and I don't have that best mate who relies on me anymore.
Gets me down when nothing's around to take my mind off it. Anyway, advice would be welcome. Please don't take the piss too hard.
A relationship isn't the be all and end all to life. Nowhere near. For me, love is a more dangerous emotion than hate. I'm happy hating the odd c**t (bullies, people who hold prejudice, U****d) but love has seen me make some truly irrational and, on occasions, dangerous decisions. Thankfully I've lived to tell the tale. People who are only ever in relationships or need a relationship to function need to take a look in the mirror.
Why do you want a best mate to rely on you? The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Everyone else will come and go throughout life. I have a handful of wonderful friends from all walks of life but I know full well it's largely about me to get stuff done. I just pull in help when I need it.
Loneliness is a killer. I was truly miserable for about two years in my mid 20's when I moved away from everyone for work. I only put my finger on it when I had a great night out with awesome people. I'd needed company. No man is an island.
Hope this helps.
The thing that gets me with my mates is that they don't seem to put in the effort anymore. The usual excuses not to come out are "hanging with the gf" or "not enough money" (even though they've just gone on a weekend trip with the missus the weekend before). Even when I plan things a few weeks in advance I always get replied with a "maybe" or some other reply which hints they're not interested in the slightest.
I'm in that awkward stage where it's a transition between going out partying every weekend or settling down with a missus. I guess I'm still keen for the party side but my mates aren't. I find myself getting very bored, which in turn gives me too much time to ponder on negative thoughts.
foetus said:Thanks for that post :) My close friends are actually great. I had a D&M with one of them only a couple of weeks ago..and we both got pretty emotional which was a strange thing to be part of. The thing that gets me down sometimes is not having a girlfriend but as people have mentioned already, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
I'm going to have a think on certain things I can do to meet more people. I think I need to watch 'Yes Man' again. I always feel uplifted and more motivated to do new things after that movie...even if it is a bit corny.
Uncle Wally One Ball said:Facebook posts dont mean anything mate, and certainly should not be used as a compass by which to measure your life to anyone elses, and then become miserable because of it. Nobody ever really posts anything negative, its like a social competition to show others what a great person you are/great social life you have/how much fun they are etc. Its bollocks. Ignore Facebook, I hate it actually.
Dont obsess about not having a bird. For one, its not that important. For another, you wil never meet a bird if youre feeling sorry for yourself, its like they sense it. Women like confidence, even too much so sometimes. Look at how many nice women you know who have absolute knobbers as boyfriends. Just be yoursellf and relax, and anyone will tell you how often they end up meeting women when they are not looking too. Thats because youre being yourself and relaxed.
If you go looking too hard, you will end up being with the wrong bird, and in a few months you will be just as fed up as you are now.
I think from your posts that you have recognised what is up yourself, you and your mates are just a funny transitional age or set of circumstances at the moment.
What you need to do is fill your time with things you like doing, or want to do but never have. Get fit, go training or cycling or whatever. Its free and getting fit and exercising makes you feel better anyway, its all chemical man. Decorate the house, see some films, read some books.
I live on my own and am single, but I love it that way. Im never bored or lonely, and a big part of that is that because I am an absolute bastard when it comes to women. I dont want one and dont miss not having one. I do OK for women, some of them other peoples women, but dont be like me. However, I am too busy to be bored or lonely, in fact there are not enough hours in the week to get everything done. I am off today after working a week of 17 hour days and today will be largely spent on housework, ironing, bit of shopping and gym this evening. Point it, busy yourself and you wont have time to dwell on anything.
Everyone is different, dont believe that there is a normal way to live and that you are different because you arent like your mates or anything like that. Just chill out, get yourself busy, and things will all work out in the end. They usually do.
foetus said:peoffrey said:Am I right in thinking you're over in Australia? Perhaps I have you confused with someone else. Either how... Would you consider a move to England? There's plenty of you lot in London or even Manchester might interest you.
Yeh Sydney. It's always been in the back of my mind to move abroad for a while but I find I get homesick when I'm away from home for more than a couple of weeks...and that doesn't help the loneliness haha.
I guess I just gotta stay positive and patient. A lot of advise on here and in pm's has helped clear my mind, which I appreciate a lot. It was just one of those nights last night where you just need to talk to someone and this forum seemed a good place. I hope I haven't come across as attention seeking.
Ps. I think I met you in a pub in London a couple of years ago for City vs Newcastle. December 2012 I believe...Blue Anchor? There was only about 4 of us...I was the Aussie.