Make your own United debacle headline story

[citizen_maine]

Exclusive this Sunday in the mirror;

Gary Neville is still a ****.

Pretty sure he's a **** even when he's not looking in the mirror

 

[Victorinodennistua]

Gary Neville blames the Glazers for refusing to sell for the time it takes to get served in Lou Macari’s chippy.

Terror suspect Daniel Khalife who has escaped Wansworth jail dressed as a chef, has admitted he’s trying to get a free transfer to old Trafford. In a statement he said “I’d rather die playing anywhere within that shit show of a team, than blow myself up”.

 

[TinFoilHat]

To reflect and recognise our world class coaching staff the club have decided to rename the club M.A.Pchester United FC.

 

[Gorton_Tubster]

Utd welcome paedophiles.

Oh sorry that's real...

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12489675/Manchester-United-Geoff-Konopka-paedophile.html

 

[Blue Mist]

Pogba re-signs for £75 million.

 

[havefaith]

We're fucked

 

[Prestwich_Blue]

Not sure why we need to make something up when they seem to be managing this in real life.

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

“Lord Lucan found working in hospitality at Man Utd, Shergar in shepherd’s pie”

The Premier League team’s HR department replied by saying “How were we to know that Lucan Lord, who gave his address as 1 Murdered Nanny Street, was this wanted man.”

 

[JASR]

Not sure why we need to make something up when they seem to be managing this in real life.

When a parody becomes a reality, it’s quite satisfying

 

[horlock_was_super]

Leaked documents from old trafford roof space reveals that the former late millionaire who sold out his successful TV rental business to Rumbleows believed to be the late Malcolm Glazers guru.

We are only following our dear later papa's dying wishes - Joel Glazer

Papa never stopped talking about his inspiration with a shredded wheat on his head - Avram Glazer

We are equal to any team in the universe if not better - Ten Bob Hog

Where do you want these traps? - Bert Higgins Rentokil

Ow! That fucking hurt - Bruno Fernandez

 

[TinFoilHat]

Harry Maguire comes out.....











As a footballer!

 

[J.G.Blue.]

Harry Maguire comes out.....











As a footballer!

All these years & nobody had any clue he was one of those?

 

[J.G.Blue.]

Ticket fraud investigations continue at old trafford, club legend & well known dealer Bobby "buy any spares" Charlton is taken in for questioning.

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

Following on from the Liverpool echo thread, and in light of the fortnightly debacle news coming out from Trafford, I thought some ‘alleged’ stories might be fun over the internationalzzzzz break:

Glazer approved Remedial works at Old Trafford reveal long forgotten storeroom untouched since the 70’s, contents revealed to be empty boxes for brown envelopes dating back to the 50’s. United, when asked for comment, refused to be drawn into speculation about why they would have so many.

Ha! Liverpool echo is exacchhhly what I thought when I read the title!

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

Manchester united win game without aid of referees, world in shock

Come on. Now you're just getting silly!

 

[Blue Mist]

I was born in the flavelalas of Brasil.
I learnt to play football using a pigs head.
I dreamt of playing for Manchester unitid
Sadly it can never be....
Unless I rape and batter someone
So many decisions

 

[BrianW]

United wife in shocking claim: 'I have never been beaten by my husband. He is a complete gentleman.'

 

[havefaith]

Man United categorically deny there is in any further dirty linen to be washed in public......... this week.

An insider claims no one within the organisation can predict. what will happen next week.

 

[ancoats]

I just heard that United have taken the battered fish off the players' pre-match meal menu

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

'Breaking News...Cunts Behave Like Cunts!'