What the media want to see for the 2015/16 season is:
Arse to win the Premier League. Wenger to be knighted by the Queen and made a Saint by the Pope for having achieved a miracle. Admission at the Emirates increased in price by 20% showing a clear correlation between higher seat prices and success. Other clubs made to follow and match Arsenals ticket prices in the interests of FFP or face fines for not doing it the Arsenal way.
Chelsea to come second but win the Community Shield and win the League Cup after an injury ravaged season. Everyone sympathises with Jose because Chelsea just fail in their bid to beat the record for number of penalties awarded in a season, which would've seen them Champions again.
Rags to come third but make the finals of the Champions League after referees are instructed to apply discretion to ensure they return to their rightful place in the elite of Europe. In case easy draws and referees assistance are not sufficient, David Gill instigates an obscure EUFA rule whereby goals for Man Utd count double and those against are halved and the results adjusted accordingly. These rules do not apply in the FA cup where they lose to Liverpool in the final on penalties. LVG proclaimed a genius and given another £200m to spend on players.
Liverpool to come fourth and win the FA cup. Faith in Rogers pays off. Top players from other clubs queuing to join to be part of their 'istory. No need to pay big transfer fees or wages since no decent player would turn down the chance of playing at Anfield. Manchester City stars Aguero and Silva seek to follow Milner to Liverpool to win trophies.
Sterling admits his mistake, apologises, eats humble pie, takes a massive pay cut and moves back to Liverpool. This part of a swap deal for Balotelli with City paying an additional £20m fee.
Spuds to come fifth and lose to Chelsea in the League Cup final. They sell Danny Rose to City who are so desperate for an English fullback they pay a whopping £86m fee (£39m + £9m performance + £38m wages) for a four year deal. Bony requests a move to Spurs as a makeweight part of the deal because he prefers to wear a white shirt like he did at Swansea.
City collapse to come sixth. Pellegrini sacked mid season. Stuart Pearce takes over as caretaker manager. Hart, Delph and Sterling lose their England places having been ruined by City. End of season fire sale of City flops.