Mental Illness

[BlueSam]

Anyone ever had experience of someone they know developing mental illness?. Been in a relationship for 3 years which allthough had its amazing times also was basically me paying for my gf to change. I organised college courses and gave her money and housing etc but we just kept arguing.. I kept being told I was controlling her and so I left about a month ago.

I got a call from her college tutor yesterday saying she hasnt been in weeks so I rang her.

She sais she isnt leaving the house anymore.. She hasnt tidied in ages and she decided to cut her benefits off which would leave her homless .

She also randomly started talking to me about a family friend from her past who she thinks was a pedophile. She might be right but its making alarm bells ring

She is literally the nicest person in the world. Her lifes goal is to build an animal shelter. I just love her so much but her not getting a job and also jealousy issues made me leave.

I am now working full time and also at university. I am sat at my desk right now when i am meant to be studying pretty much crying over what might be about to happen to her.

I should say that her brother is a full blown paranoid schizphreniac and her family fucking suck. They kicked all their kids out at early ages.
I want to hell her but I dont know if I am better just severing ties.. But then what if she kills herself and I could have stopped it if I only spent some time with her.

I just put 100quid in her account and begged her to see her gp. I am booked myself into counselling next week. I have never felt pain like this. The emotions are so confusing.

Its like i feel like she is the perfect person and I would marry her if she got stable but now by leaving her im worried im pushing her towards an ultimate suicide.

I am sorry for the vent but ive got no one to talk to about this until my counselling next week and i am in proper pain.

 

[TCIB]

It's a hard one sam, there is no yes or no. Maybe contact the local government who deal with such issues as people with mental illness and see what they say.

I was dating a girl who turned out to be similar. I severed ties as she was older with kids and had friends tohelp her and it was driving me insane ( i don't say that lightly).

You say she has no other support though. But remember you left for a reason mate. Most mental issues like this never ever go away. There are very good medications for this now though.

I seriously suggest you contact authorities over this.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

If she is cutting off her benefits to make herself homeless then maybe you could contact the job centre she signs on at or is registered at. Tell them your concerns and ask if there is support they offer (or can signpost her / you too).

It's a difficult situation but you may be the only person she has right now. Is it your responsibility? No. But can you sit back knowing what she is doing and do nothing? That isnt made to make you feel guilty, I know I would be doing all I could to help in this situation - though by 'help' I mean get her professional help be it her doctor, weekly councelling session, drop in centre.

If she doesnt already, maybe try and get her to volunteer at an animal shelter - gets her out of the house and also gets her focusing about something positive and a step towards her dream of running an animal shelter (however realistic or not)

As mentioned above, there are medications that can help.
Best wishes for her and you in supporting her, and you have made the correct decision in seeking councelling yourself - they will help you look at all the options available and also will be able to point you in the right directions for further support for you both.

 

[Why Always Ste]

if she wishes to cut her own benefits then as an Adult she is entitled to do this as you are not her registered advocate.

if it is proved she is suffering from some types of mental illness then unless you are married to her I don't think you would have any say...
Maybe contact her GP and see about having her sectioned temporarily at your local hospital.

The best thing you could do is meet up with her, let her speak and don't take control of anything.
if you feel she is mentally ill then consult with her about arranging to see her GP (or go straight to the A&E) who could then refer her to a ward which can diagnose and attempt to help her.

My Nan has had nervous breakdowns in the past due to having guilt trips about the way she had raised her children (including my mother)

 

[ono]

Went through something similar with my ex. Good luck. We ended up splitting up. It's hard times. Good luck.

 

[BlueSam]

Thanks for the help guys. It helps a lot getting it off your chest.

I know this sounds selfish but what if she is about to decend into schizophrenia. Would i just be better avoiding contact so I dont have to deal with it. I dont think I could deal with it. I just want her to get better but by getting involved now i could be pretty much ruining my life as I would be a sz patients only contact. Argh its all so complicated

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[TCIB]

It is not selfish mate, never think that.

Why ruin your life going nuts over something you can do nothing about ?

Do what is suggested here regarding gp,local authorities etc, help her best you can and get out mate.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Thanks for the help guys. It helps a lot getting it off your chest.

I know this sounds selfish but what if she is about to decend into schizophrenia. Would i just be better avoiding contact so I dont have to deal with it. I dont think I could deal with it. I just want her to get better but by getting involved now i could be pretty much ruining my life as I would be a sz patients only contact. Argh its all so complicated

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No problem - glad we can help.
There used to be an organisation called MIND which supported people with mental health issues, but I think they changed names.

How old is she? If under 25 (and living in the Manchester area) there is the young person's project '42nd Street' that can also support her (and you too, if needed)
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.42ndstreet.org.uk/index.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.42ndstreet.org.uk/index.html</a>

If you are thinking of ending any contact (and I dont think anyone here would judge you for doing so) then you are perfectly entitled to do so. If you do that and also have supported her in seeking professional help and support before you lose contact, then you will feel even better for doing so.

 

[ob]

My other halfs son was like that - his was due to cannabis abuse from 13

from ages of 13-16 never left house, never went to school, really paranoid, I mean never set foot out the door - if the dog got out of front garden and was 10 yards up road he would ring his mum and she would get out of work come home get dog in house and go back to work

He isn't so bad now, 24 now got his own flat and girlfriend, still self harms sometimes and thinks everyone is looking at him but it's small steps at a time, due to not going to school etc his mum has to help him with everything, signing on, housing benefit, bills for flat, banking, he doesn't know how to deal with people on an everyday basis

do whats best for you mate is my advice, might seem selfish but you got to look out for yourself first then you can help others

 

[BlueSam]

Like ive helped her for the past 3 years and i am gonna try and get her to see her gp. Hopefully she will be okay. I do have to think of myself though. Ive got 4 uni exams on monday and i cant think straight at all. Its just so sad to think that someone so full of life and with such an amazing brain and kindness could soon be something totally different