Mental Illness

[BlueSam]

I work with people with severe mental health problems. The main answer to anyone with a mental illness is they have to want help and to change there own lifestyle. They cannot be forced to seek help, only advised.

What would you advise I do? Try and help and try and take it on with her.. or distance myself, I should also point out that although her family suck she does have 1 sister who she is close with but she isnt exactly steady either but she is always going round. I just really want her to get better but I don't know how much I can take out of my own life, I literally have no time with work and uni and getting the phone call yesterday has really shook me up.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

I work with people with severe mental health problems. The main answer to anyone with a mental illness is they have to want help and to change there own lifestyle. They cannot be forced to seek help, only advised.

What would you advise I do? Try and help and try and take it on with her.. or distance myself, I should also point out that although her family suck she does have 1 sister who she is close with but she isnt exactly steady either but she is always going round. I just really want her to get better but I don't know how much I can take out of my own life, I literally have no time with work and uni and getting the phone call yesterday has really shook me up.

The main thing you can do is make her aware of what options she has available to her, to support her, be it benefits, councelling, GP & medication or whatever. Let her know that whatever option she chooses, you will support her the best you can in helping her to get there for appointments or in any other way you can.
After that it is the horse and water scenario..... if she drinks, drink it with her, if she refuses..... then maybe time to walk away

 

[ElanJo]

I don't know but it would seem that your help for 3 years hasn't had the desired outcome and so perhaps sending her money and giving her stuff unconditionally (as it sounds) isn't helping either of you. Obviously I'm not saying chuck her out on the street but I think there may be some room for give and take.

People tend to not act until they have no choice but to act, sometimes that means not acting until it's too late. Adding in to that the potential for suicide, it's a difficult situation.

Not much help I know.

If it was me, I'd look at taking her to a therapist before having her take any drugs her gp might put her straight on.

 

[pominoz]

This may sound harsh, but i would say distance yourself.

I went through a similar thing, trying to help a very good friend with mental illness that led her to drug addiction. For over 3 years i did all i could, let her move into my house, even though i knew she was stealing my stuff while i was at work. It was heartbreaking as i loved her very much.

In the end she killed herself in my house. The aftermath of that nearly did me in too, and cost me many years of unhappiness.

Looking back i should have done what i could for a certain amount of time, then distanced myself, as it was beyond me to help her in the end.

Sorry if this is abit rambling as i am upset just typing this, sometimes you have to put yourself before others or they will bring you down.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[mcfclovin88]

Ultimately only you can decide what is the right thing to do, but I believe cutting contact off with her completely could be very damaging to her. Like others have suggested, try and guide her on the path to seeking help from her GP. Slowly reduce your contact with her, maybe get it to a level that you can handle.

You do have to think about your own well being, because I know all too well that being around someone with mental health problems can be damaging. It's a tough situation because you need to think of yourself as well as her. But yeah I think slowly reducing your contact would be best.

 

[jacko74]

Don't know if its been mentioned but how about trying to sort her out with some voluntary work at a local animal shelter?
Gets her out and about and doing the kind of thing she loves, so might help to straighten out her head.

 

[BlueSam]

Quick update, she is going to her GP's next Wednesday for depression but she doesn't want to do any counselling, she is trying to claim benefits again but this time looking at some sort of incapacity benefit instead of job seekers. I have been the one advising her to do all these things.

She says she is feeling very low, her sister has been going round a lot though and they are super close now which I didn't know, Do you think this changes things re my responsibility in this whole thing? I spoke to her sister and asked her to look after her as best she can and she says she will, I also asked her to start going to zumba with her.

I still cant shake this horrible feeling inside me though, like I cant explain it. I feel sick or somehting, my stomach is constant butterflies and I have no appetite. I considered myself pretty strong but somehow this has really got in my system and shook me about. I looked up the symptoms and apparently they are consistent with severe anxiety. Something which I have never suffered from. I really want my counselling to hurry up I feel miserable.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Quick update, she is going to her GP's next Wednesday for depression but she doesn't want to do any counselling, she is trying to claim benefits again but this time looking at some sort of incapacity benefit instead of job seekers. I have been the one advising her to do all these things.

She says she is feeling very low, her sister has been going round a lot though and they are super close now which I didn't know, Do you think this changes things re my responsibility in this whole thing? I spoke to her sister and asked her to look after her as best she can and she says she will, I also asked her to start going to zumba with her.

I still cant shake this horrible feeling inside me though, like I cant explain it. I feel sick or somehting, my stomach is constant butterflies and I have no appetite. I considered myself pretty strong but somehow this has really got in my system and shook me about. I looked up the symptoms and apparently they are consistent with severe anxiety. Something which I have never suffered from. I really want my counselling to hurry up I feel miserable.

Nice one, sounds very positive for her and hopefully her GP will recommend councilling too.
As for your responsibilities..... you have none. Legally you have none. Morally you have none. You have done far more than expected of you and if anything happened to her you can hold your head high and said you did your best for her.

 

[Hes the left back remember]

You need to make sure you are well yourself before you can get more involved.It is the position that you have been in that has brought on your anxiety.
I have experienced this recently and like you would never have thought that I would be a person to suffer from this. You can only do so much and it does seem as though there is an improvement wth the fact that she has arranged to see the doctor and organising benefits again.I had the experience of my partner not wanting to shower/go out/talk to freinds/eat/watch TV or do anything whatso ever resulting in threats of suicide. 10 months later she is much much better and back working with the help of drugs from the doctors ad a private therapist.
The suggestion earlier of voluntary work in an animal shelter was a good one plus the excercise will only do good.
Good luck but take care of yourself first before the situation starts to pull you down. A little distance while you get better will do you good. The last thing you want is for her to become reliant on you.

 

[LoveCity]

I can give you a personal experience about my life that I don't often talk about but may be relevant when I get to my point...

I was the happiest kid alive but taken to live in another country at 12, the typical English family go to warm country and live happily ever after thing... except it backfired for me and turned me into a nervous wreck and recluse because I didn't settle and basically shut down, wouldn't even talk to anyone. I never went to a doctor but something bad happened to me that I won't try and diagnose except to say it caused me to drop out of school at 16 and hibernate for a long, long time. Much like someone else's friend in this thread I refused to go out for literally years (longer than I care to share) except on certain occasions. This went on into my 20s and even though I am alright in a sense now, the effects are permanent and I still hesitate to venture out except to City games and even work from home, living a very solitary lifestyle.

What I can say though is if I had someone who knew how bad I was back then and stepped in to help me, be it a friend or relative, it would have helped me immensely. My parents probably thought it was a teenage thing and I did hide it, while I was not close enough to any friend there to ask for help. I nearly ended it (life) several times but in the words of Garry Cook "bottled it". Assistance is more than anything what I needed then but never got. So my advice would tentatively to help her but at the same time you can't jeopardise your own happiness and life for her - but you can try and help her on the right path to seek help or whatever is possible. If she won't seek help I would forcibly try and make her if only because I wish someone had forcibly made me and know that would have helped me.

People who feel abandoned/alone while not well are very prone to suicidal thoughts and could act on it. I know that from experience and only a fear of pain stopped me. I don't know your ex-girlfriend and whether she'd hesitate but if you care do your best to help her (only my advice).