My year on Sertraline.

somapop

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 Mar 2010
Messages
2,628
Hi folks.
Had a bit of a mad year and half. Our daughter has ASD (Asperger's) - diagnosed about a year after she began seeing a psychologist at CAHMS which started around the time she left primary school. The last 6 months of her primary school is when she started falling apart (we always suspected she was a little 'demanding/hard work' growing up but nothing more at the time. Those 6 months were a struggle to get her into school.
Initially she went in for around 2 weeks at her new High School but in the end it ended up being me literally physically dragging her in (she'd be in a flood of tears). That couldn't go on...to cut a long story short she was eventually diagnosed with ASD (high functioning Asperger's) and missed at least a year of school. She's now in a special small hospital school (Leo Kelly in Rusholme) and is currently just about making half days (but misses many lessons...but she's still top of the class without doing barely any lessons). She's a selective mute there (it's odd when I'm sometimes there with her). At home she's like Richard Pryor (with the language to match...which is had to be let of as that's her way of letting of steam). She's had suicidal ideations and is also on 150mg of Sertraline (which is being reviewed as I really don't think it's working). She can be either curled up in a depressing ball or calling out 'motherfuckers'...she has razor sharp wit - v bright. She's also having trouble with her personal hygiene - it's yet another fight to get her to shower (she sometimes has that aroma you'd drastically avoid if it was on a bus/shop. I also believe she's manipulating her mother (more of that in a minute)...she can't bring herself to tell her off...and of course I'm the bad cop...it's all carrot for her - really don't think this is helping.
I often think a good weekend with 'the SAS' would help rather than the overtly 'walking on rice paper' approach...but perhaps I'm being old fashioned.

Around 18 months ago I had a contact from an adoption agency (I was adopted as a baby but I was never inclined to go and source them out). My adoptive father died when I was 11 but my adoptive mother is still going strong at 78.
This time the contact seemed a little more 'relentless' (in the nicest possible way) so I decided to go ahead and speak with the agency. I eventually ended up speaking to a woman who works in the agency (this is in Nottingham) and she brought through the documents. The birth mother had died a few months earlier (she apparently could never face it up to it all) but the birth father wanted to get in touch and it turns out I had two brothers (both from the same parents - so full brothers - one older, one younger - who they actually kept as they eventually married). As it happens, they've quickly become firm friends and we message each other almost every day...very, very similar...

That was a bit of a headfuck...a reboot of my life in some ways. Adding the difficulties with my daughter it was an...interesting, testing time.
Then last Christmas (2017) my parter and I separated after 20 years (we have three children). We never married so no divorce issues...probably clues in the fact we never did tie the knot.
This one hit me like a rock falling on my head. NYE (when it happened...I kind of forced her hand as it was going to be discussed in the new year. Strange NYE...kind of a mix of numbness and WTF...
The next few days were terrible however and I ended up having a complete mental breakdown. I'd say I was inches away from being sectioned...I've had down moments before but nothing on this scale - quite difficult to explain unless you've been through it (I'd say it hit me more than my dad's death when I was young).
I'd been a little depressed for a couple of years in all honesty...I didn't see it as depression (I tend to have a sunny out look when I'm out and about) but it transpired later on it was some personal anxiety issues, life plan issues...the whole lot really (in my mid 40's). I had a bit of CBT (the first fall down a year or two before the split) and that helped, but it's pretty clear it was environmental issues/relationship issues that were the ultimate cause.

A few days into January last year, my (now) ex drove me to the doctors (I was still numb...not particularly able to speak well) and I was immediately prescribed Sertraline (I'd previously turned this away a year or so - thinking I could just run more, and remain heathy...stubbornness over meds I guess). I had to move back to my mothers for a while...just hid away from everybody...absolutely torrid time. Fortunately I still have good friends down there, one (old best mates really) still lives near my mother. I'd pop round every evening and we'd chat and go running...I was having suicidal ideations at this stage. I'd lost a rack of weight and whilst not self harming, my face was sometimes bruised...I guess that's where 'beating yourself up' comes from. Only took one pic during that stage (on a webcam chat to my middle daughter)...christ...not good.
I'd live at my mother's in the week then eventually pop up to see the children in Manchester at the weekends...I missed them terribly. I was also 'theoretically' homeless and visited the CAB at one stage to see what options I had...I could barely function never mind work.
Eventually I returned (as a guest really) to the family home. No chance the family were moving out...and I wouldn't want them to. Also transpires my ex probably had an affair just before we separated (online, long distance but eventually met). Living back in the family home (a home I'd practically rebuilt//refurbed/grand designed the interiors) I was privy to some details which almost finished me off (she was dating again - the affair guy's wife - a guy 15 years older than her - had found out about it...I actually felt really sorry for her rather than me). I kept hoping...dreaming we'd get back together...meanwhile she's away at the weekends with new dates/evenings out. I guess she was getting a lot out of her system...I understand that now. One time when she set out on a date, I nearly puked up (all odd emotions).

My doc advised me that by 6 months on sertaline (lowest dose of 50mg) I'd feel the best I could on them...and lo and behold, I felt better about myself in a long time.
Around this time I was getting back to myself...in fact over time I was feeling better than I'd ever felt in my life. Instead of hitting the drink and pushing myself further down, the weeks after the split I stopped drinking (I didn't actually have a drink for 6 months from Jan to June...then I'd have the occasional beer/wine) started eating far healthier (lots of fruit and veg) and stepped up my running. I ran one night back in Nottingham that started off as a 5k and I carried on running till I did a half marathon...on a cold, wet dark night in February.

Eventually I started to 'shop online' for potential dates (the usual app) and got talking to a few. This was an amazing boost to my ego in all fairness. I met some wonderful people...helped sooth over a lot of pain. Part of the trouble with Sertaline is that it can lower the sex drive (mines quite high in all fairness...) and stalls ejaculation (I'd be yanking it down to a bloody stump...talking 30 mins+).
This obviously doens't translate well when one is with a new date...I never explained why...perhaps I should've done.

Today...one year on I'm about to book in with my doctor who advised returning in a year to discuss my withdrawal from Sertaline. I'm not going to miss the extreme tiredness and dizziness I experience with this tablets (and I can't really drink much alcohol on them). However, I'm a completely different person as of today. My confidence is at an all time high (historically low...more of an introvert than extrovert - suffered pretty badly with shyness growing up). I'm amazed at this new me. My 'OCD/Perfectionist/Control Freak' has subsided a bit and will happily chat away to anyone I bump into on the street (we got a dog for our daughter's Autism...but it's helped me too...despite being someone who would never as much as stroke a bloody dog!).
My neat freak nature has returned a little (though in fairness, my ex is the complete antithesis of domesticated...wipe your feet on the way out - hence a lot of friction over the years). I've met some wonderful women (and meeting somebody this week as it happens).

I guess the point of this was to find out what the long term effects are. I'm not worried I'm going to fall low when I eventually extract myself from the meds. but more this 'new me' disappears. I'm hazarding a guess that all I've been through has actually empowered me as a person...and I can release myself from the crutch of the tablets (I've tried researching whether the brain can 'learn' a form of behaviour from them but can find little anecdotal evidence to support this. I'll probably be seeing my doc this week to start the withdrawal (I have lots of questions).
I'm still running (although I have a labral tear in my hip - I have to do lots of core training every day at home to support this) eating healthy and may join a gym.

Apologies...that's quite some text above - but thanks for listening to the end...good to get this stuff off your chest.
Cheers.
 

somapop

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 Mar 2010
Messages
2,628
these tablet delay ejaculation you say ,my erm mate might be interested in them .
don't know the effects of the tablet's but at least you have sorted yourself out, good on yer

Well there's delay and there's polishing the bleeder for several hours!! It can probably be a bit awkward either way tbf. I may have some spare once I'm off them :)
 

peace frog

Well-Known Member
Joined
9 Jan 2009
Messages
11,418
Location
stalking
Team supported
Manchester City Football Club
Well there's delay and there's polishing the bleeder for several hours!! It can probably be a bit awkward either way tbf. I may have some spare once I'm off them :)
ill let my errm mate know :)
 

TCIB

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 May 2011
Messages
45,208
Location
Neither here nor there!
Bloody hell mate you have been through it. I am happy as larry you have come out the other side of what was a heavy and dark time. So many never see a way out and take the ultimate escape. I am very sorry about your relationship breaking down mate, are you still dating the new lass or are you sniffing around again like my dog when he smells a bitch on heat.

How did the dog help bud, the companionship? When i am in the shit mentally i look at my boy and think "his entire world is eat, play, sleep and shit, i'll take all the blows in the world to make sure that is all he ever wants to". Come back from shopping? it is like they have just found you after years of looking, whole body wagging and panting mixed with whines of happiness as they run around your feet hehe.

The fear of being cheated on sucks and your ex has not exactly helped in such a regard. I hope you do not take much baggage from that mate, it can happen to the funniest most handsome fellas going in my experience.

How are your kids taking the split, is it bothering your daughter who needs extra attention? Hopefully they understand a bit now life is not a fairy tale sadly and give you both some slack.

Whatever the weather, i am happy to see you are still here with us in your head and body.
 

andyhinch

Well-Known Member
Joined
31 Jan 2012
Messages
37,248
Location
On the outside looking in.
Hope it all works out mate, talk to your doctor about everything and I mean everything and maybe some more CBT, I’ve had my own issues over the past few years so can understand where your coming from. I couldn’t get on with Setraline and changed to Mirtazapine a few years ago, doesn’t seem to half many side effects, hope it goes well for you.
 

somapop

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 Mar 2010
Messages
2,628
Thanks TCIB. I'm actually better than I've been in my whole life ironically. I think I'm trying to ascertain if I still feel as mentally strong when I come off the meds i.e. is it possible my brain has rewired itself via learning from the tablets (rather than being on a chemically enhanced high). More confident and content than I've ever been. I actually think I might be happier than my ex (she's being seeing somebody for some time now - seems pretty serious and good luck to her now). I'd shy away from talking to people in the past, now I'll actively start conversations. As I mentioned above, I've become empowered by it. Whether it's down to the meds, the actual hell of it all or a combination I don't know.
I've seen a few but I'm not overly fussed with a relationship really. I feel free for the first time in years (though I'm seeing someone on Wednesday...and she seems amazing so far - 8 years younger).
My boy (7 at the time) was affected by it last year...I could really see it in him. He was looking at houses for sale nearby bless him...that was really sore for me seeing him affected. My middle autistic daughter probably got affected to (my eldest...well she's 19 and works and goes out most of the time). A few people find our situation a bit unique (me co parenting in the same house) but it's not permanent. This has affected some potential relationships but there's little I can do about it atm. My children's happiness/bouyancy is paramount.
I don't even really blame the ex for 'shopping around'...we've never had a tactile relationship...sandy foundations ultimately.
She likes to lives in a mess, I'm a neat freak...destined to clash eventually.
I'm in the midst of launching a new business soon so I've been help to work from and home and save money on renting (I'm the one who cooks, cleans, builds, washes ad infinitum...but then again, that's probably my OCD coming out).

Thanks mate!
 

somapop

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 Mar 2010
Messages
2,628
Hope it all works out mate, talk to your doctor about everything and I mean everything and maybe some more CBT, I’ve had my own issues over the past few years so can understand where your coming from. I couldn’t get on with Setraline and changed to Mirtazapine a few years ago, doesn’t seem to half many side effects, hope it goes well for you.

I have a list of questions on my phone which I'll take in. Side effects weren't that bad (the aforementioned 'tugging for ever' issue and extreme tiredness/dizzyness). Should be seeing him re the withdrawal this week.
Thanks pal.
 

TCIB

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 May 2011
Messages
45,208
Location
Neither here nor there!
Thanks TCIB. I'm actually better than I've been in my whole life ironically. I think I'm trying to ascertain if I still feel as mentally strong when I come off the meds i.e. is it possible my brain has rewired itself via learning from the tablets (rather than being on a chemically enhanced high). More confident and content than I've ever been. I actually think I might be happier than my ex (she's being seeing somebody for some time now - seems pretty serious and good luck to her now). I'd shy away from talking to people in the past, now I'll actively start conversations. As I mentioned above, I've become empowered by it. Whether it's down to the meds, the actual hell of it all or a combination I don't know.
I've seen a few but I'm not overly fussed with a relationship really. I feel free for the first time in years (though I'm seeing someone on Wednesday...and she seems amazing so far - 8 years younger).
My boy (7 at the time) was affected by it last year...I could really see it in him. He was looking at houses for sale nearby bless him...that was really sore for me seeing him affected. My middle autistic daughter probably got affected to (my eldest...well she's 19 and works and goes out most of the time). A few people find our situation a bit unique (me co parenting in the same house) but it's not permanent. This has affected some potential relationships but there's little I can do about it atm. My children's happiness/bouyancy is paramount.
I don't even really blame the ex for 'shopping around'...we've never had a tactile relationship...sandy foundations ultimately.
She likes to lives in a mess, I'm a neat freak...destined to clash eventually.
I'm in the midst of launching a new business soon so I've been help to work from and home and save money on renting (I'm the one who cooks, cleans, builds, washes ad infinitum...but then again, that's probably my OCD coming out).

Thanks mate!

That is fantastic mate, i really am chuffed for you. The best thing imo is your new found freedom and ability to look at stuff without ego i.e. hating your ex and her partner. Dwelling on that stuff is just a never ending pit of misery, questioning yourself etc. The ability to be objective i find helps the mind more than anything else. Like you say with the neat and tidy stuff, you state it as a logical consequence, which it was. It is just many can't step away and see it for what it is, ego.

Dating on Wednesday when Burton is on, how dare thee hehe.

New business eh, now that is really kicking on, hell you sound like the most focused fella on this bloody forum at the moment xD What is it doing if i may ask, no worries if you want to keep your cards close to your chest boss.

I house share with a lass and even that can be a pain with relationships so being with your ex i can imagine being awkward for some women. Hence my stuff is packed and i am ready to fuck off to Redcar (near boro). The unintentional cock blocking is sending me over the edge haha.

OCD in your situation i can see as grounding, in that time i think the mind works to make sense of stuff, much as we do when sleeping. I have no scientific basis for this but i do think that. You are also put at ease as everything is just so in the house :-)

Keep talking boss, well, if it helps. I expect to see you on a stage soon kicking that pipsqueak upstart Elon Musk of your podium whilst you explain your vision for the future Tony Stark style :-)

Have a fantastic happy and healthy 2019 boss, i hope Wednesday evening goes well for you mate :-)
 

Trevor Morley's Tache

Well-Known Member
Joined
23 Nov 2016
Messages
16,687
Location
Lincoln
My old boss was on a fairly high dose of Sertraline, amongst other drugs for severe work related PTSD. He was pretty much self medicating with alcohol, as a lot of people do in his situation. Not to the point of being a full blown alcoholic, but it wouldn't have taken a great deal to push him over the edge.

When he first started taking his med's, he was all over the place, and it took him a while to settle down. He had some pretty ropey side-effects. He stopped taking them without telling his doctor, and it was pretty evident at work as he became increasingly erratic and emotional. He sorted himself out, and got his doses settled eventually but it it took his body a while to get used to the cocktail of chemicals swilling through his bloodstream.

We gave him as much support as we could, and picked up the slack when we needed to, and the upper management were mostly supportive (apart from on absolute bellend who found it amusing to wind him up).

He's left the job now, and is working in a different industry altogether. I see him occasionally, and he is now off the Sertraline, and seems altogether happier so I guess there is hope.
 

Don't have an account?

Register now!
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.