My year on Sertraline.

[manimanc]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you've gone through a rake of shite and have come out the other side with your head held high and a smile on your face.
Good on you mate, keep fighting the fight.

 

[somapop]

That is fantastic mate, i really am chuffed for you. The best thing imo is your new found freedom and ability to look at stuff without ego i.e. hating your ex and her partner. Dwelling on that stuff is just a never ending pit of misery, questioning yourself etc. The ability to be objective i find helps the mind more than anything else. Like you say with the neat and tidy stuff, you state it as a logical consequence, which it was. It is just many can't step away and see it for what it is, ego.

Dating on Wednesday when Burton is on, how dare thee hehe.

New business eh, now that is really kicking on, hell you sound like the most focused fella on this bloody forum at the moment xD What is it doing if i may ask, no worries if you want to keep your cards close to your chest boss.

I house share with a lass and even that can be a pain with relationships so being with your ex i can imagine being awkward for some women. Hence my stuff is packed and i am ready to fuck off to Redcar (near boro). The unintentional cock blocking is sending me over the edge haha.

OCD in your situation i can see as grounding, in that time i think the mind works to make sense of stuff, much as we do when sleeping. I have no scientific basis for this but i do think that. You are also put at ease as everything is just so in the house :-)

Keep talking boss, well, if it helps. I expect to see you on a stage soon kicking that pipsqueak upstart Elon Musk of your podium whilst you explain your vision for the future Tony Stark style :-)

Have a fantastic happy and healthy 2019 boss, i hope Wednesday evening goes well for you mate :-)

Haha...what normally happens 'online dating' (I got bored with them for 4/5 months, occasionally speaking to one or two...and someone else I met dogwalking...never had my down as a Casanova hence this new found empowerment I'm trying to evaluate) is you talk and talk and get this great connection...and then a great pen friend and often end up never meeting. This one wants to meet before that happens...which is a good call. I've had a few good adventures already, simply by being forced out of my comfort zone. It's all there in quotes and writings, but it's true...extract yourself from the routine and find some great trips. I think her last contact online struggled to meet her...chickened out...hence no way I can rearrange for Wednesday (with any luck she likes football...and the blue side).

Funnily enough I think the OCD was a great wing man for me (along real friends). Enabled me to focus on eating healthy (fucking KALE for gods sake!!), stop drinking and step up training...I've become part goddam jock. But that has helped my mental state enormously. I also no longer give a flying fuck what people think...that's prevented me doing so much stuff in the past...graphene thin skin. I make thinks habitual: I have to train for my thighs sake - surgery has been ruled out as Labral tears aren't too well known...and could onset early arthritis. I ran so much and ate so well I lost a rack of weight (running a lot does that). My arse looked like John Cooper Clarkes...they wouldn't stay up. Few months of glute work and I'm all Kardashian. I wolf whistle my own ass when I see the reflection in a shop window (I don''t actually wolf whistle anyone..just so you know :) ).
My brother has OCD too. He used his to get a top degree and now works in for a US shipping company in Geneva (he hates the environment to be fair).

I used to do a bit of music/video production but I wanted a new start. A business I could have limited tool (a laptop...and a few other peripherals) so I could move anywhere/travel anywhere with it. Started doing a few website builds last year (ironically my ex's website...her business is now thriving) and a bit of branding design (logo creation). The coding part is ace (though I'm more visual) - I can relate to that forensic part very well - suits my personality. Might look into the cloud stuff too later in the future.
Had a first client meeting down in Alderley Edge (she had three high end cars parked outsider her house...offered to cook me lunch after the meeting...as I said, adventures) and another soon...I have a bee in my bonnet about it now.

Thanks. This has always been a very open and honest forum.

 

[somapop]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you've gone through a rake of shite and have come out the other side with your head held high and a smile on your face.
Good on you mate, keep fighting the fight.

Absolutely true.
I made a decision not to be bitter and to be the better man...but boy was that tested a few times. It got very, very toxic at times...privy to stuff (by virtue of still living in the same house) I should've never heard. But I'm just as part of the break up as her. Maybe it was cabin fever towards the end (both working from home most of the time) I pretty much single handedly renovated the house - having to learn electrics (installed a new mains, wired alarm, CAT6 cabling), lighting design, carpentry...that kind of hurts a bit bearing in mind I won't eventually be living here. But the kids will have an ace house in a nice area growing up. I can't stand anything approaching hoarding - I'd live in a glass box if I could :)

Just got a text re Weds eve whilst typing this...she fancies a telephone call tonight...I absolutely hate the telephone - prefer in person or message. The most awkward method of communication I know...certainly with new people you can't body language with.

 

[Magicpole]

You’ve had a hard road and it’s great to read you are coming out of that dark place. Good luck to you and I hope your ongoing journey brings you happiness.

 

[bugsyblue]

No idea about the tablets mate but I would try and kick the alcohol for the foreseeable! Certainly until you’re properly back on your feet and moved on.

It’s hard, because it’s so integrated into our way of life, but alcohol is a real depressant and where it’s not causing the problems it’s certainly exasperating them!

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

Absolutely true.
I made a decision not to be bitter and to be the better man...but boy was that tested a few times. It got very, very toxic at times...privy to stuff (by virtue of still living in the same house) I should've never heard. But I'm just as part of the break up as her. Maybe it was cabin fever towards the end (both working from home most of the time) I pretty much single handedly renovated the house - having to learn electrics (installed a new mains, wired alarm, CAT6 cabling), lighting design, carpentry...that kind of hurts a bit bearing in mind I won't eventually be living here. But the kids will have an ace house in a nice area growing up. I can't stand anything approaching hoarding - I'd live in a glass box if I could :)

Just got a text re Weds eve whilst typing this...she fancies a telephone call tonight...I absolutely hate the telephone - prefer in person or message. The most awkward method of communication I know...certainly with new people you can't body language with.

"I'd live in a glass box if I could".

You are David Blaine and I claim £5; )

Seriously though blue. Real honesty n your posts. I wish you well pal.

 

[somapop]

No idea about the tablets mate but I would try and kick the alcohol for the foreseeable! Certainly until you’re properly back on your feet and moved on.

It’s hard, because it’s so integrated into our way of life, but alcohol is a real depressant and where it’s not causing the problems it’s certainly exasperating them!

I did for most of last year. Probably had 2/3 quiet nights on the grog. I only drink alcohol if I'm in good spirits (before downing good spirits!). Before all this I had a massive session when I met my 'new' brothers for the first time. Ace day, but for the next few days I had a really intense doomsday scenario in my head (tbf I drank cider at the end as my brother likes that drink..I'd forgotten cider makes me violently ill!).

Booked into see my doc for next week to discuss withdrawal. As I said above its not so much a big downer I fear once off them, but more I'll lose this really content, confidence 'new me'. I'm hoping I can take that with me. I remember when I first took them it really was like 'being on drugs'...and I can still feel them coursing through me, even on the lowest dose.
Anyway...more importantly I need to book my back wax in if this date goes well tomorrow evening... :)

Cheers.

 

[somapop]

Starting my withdrawal from tomorrow after a docs visit today (slow release over 3 weeks).
It's not so much the fact I'm worried about hitting a dark spot after I come off them, more this 'new me' will be watered down (I hope not). Never felt so confident and strong (mentally and physically) after last year's shite. I guess you simply become stronger through harder times...but I have ramped up the exercise quite a bit.
Hopefully the chemicals in my own brain have reorganised themselves. The irony is those cells and chemicals need me in there to sort them out...neat, tidy and well behaved on my watch :).

 

[Bigga]

Starting my withdrawal from tomorrow after a docs visit today (slow release over 3 weeks).
It's not so much the fact I'm worried about hitting a dark spot after I come off them, more this 'new me' will be watered down (I hope not). Never felt so confident and strong (mentally and physically) after last year's shite. I guess you simply become stronger through harder times...but I have ramped up the exercise quite a bit.
Hopefully the chemicals in my own brain have reorganised themselves. The irony is those cells and chemicals need me in there to sort them out...neat, tidy and well behaved on my watch :).

Having been on a few of these drugs, I can tell you 'fear' is the biggest reason to stay on antidepressants.

I'm really glad you're finding a way off them as it's a convenient mask.

For me, I didn't find the 'artificial' boost helpful as I couldn't tell it was the real me or not being jovial and cracking jokes or whatever. Before I came off mine I had the huge fear of what would happen next, who would I be, what would I do, etc.

It took a bit of a breakthrough for me to understand the old cliché about "love yourself".

It's true cos who the fook else will love you if you can't love yourself! You will find that people think you're weak and take advantage if you can't, at least, respect yourself.
So I built from there.

Don't get me wrong, I have my down days. My Brother passed away last year and I nose dived, badly. I'm 80% back to being me, but I have his Inquest still hovering over me, yet to come.

You have to understand who you are currently, who you were previously, in order to accept whatever you're going to be in the future as it's all you.

You may not be sunny and light all the time, but that's life and you embrace it. You'll have awesome days and you embrace that too.

Stop running and face it as it's all you. It's YOUR journey and you'll feel more whole than you expect.



Close your eyes and take a deep deep breathe...

 

[denislawsbackheel]

Starting my withdrawal from tomorrow after a docs visit today (slow release over 3 weeks).
It's not so much the fact I'm worried about hitting a dark spot after I come off them, more this 'new me' will be watered down (I hope not). Never felt so confident and strong (mentally and physically) after last year's shite. I guess you simply become stronger through harder times...but I have ramped up the exercise quite a bit.
Hopefully the chemicals in my own brain have reorganised themselves. The irony is those cells and chemicals need me in there to sort them out...neat, tidy and well behaved on my watch :).

Strength to your arm blue.

I was on buprenorphine for a year to wean me off tramadol that I had been on for over 6 years for arthritis. After I got a new hip I was addicted to the tramadol. The buprenorphine enabled me to taper, slowly, until on Boxing Day I quit.
At the beginning it wasn’t easy. I had terrible RLS at night, keeping me awake for most of the night. I tried CBD oil to reduce anxiety. Not sure it worked. Anyhow over the last three weeks I have SLOWLY got my sleep back. I now sleep for about 3 hours, wake and read or exercise my legs for a few hours until I eventually nod off. I am knackered in the day BUT I have beaten the physical dependence on the drug. Now I just need to stick to it and within a month I should be back to proper sleep cycles.

I know yours is a different drug I just wanted to offer you my support and reassure you that even when you feel shit, it will pass and you will get rid of it if you stick at it.