New Jokes Thread

[Vienna_70]

Hahaha

did not know ollie hardy was in that one!

That's another fine mess you've gotten me into, Jonesey!

Mmm! Mmm!

 

[BackofJeanette]

After trophyless season and a run of disappointing results, Manchester United have this morning announced the sacking of Howard Webb.

 

[BigJoe#1]

My missus is at it already....

asking me why I can be like united when we're having sex.

What do you mean I asked her

well stay on top and come second!!

 

[BackofJeanette]

Manchester United have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.

The number is 0800 10 10 10.

Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.

Once again the number is

0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

 

[Maccblue]

Whats red & white and loses 8 points in three weeks?

 

[Vienna_70]

I'm thinking of making a gift to all the rags I know.

A pair of forks to make up for the eight points they threw away!

 

[CobiWard95]

Whats red & white and loses 8 points in three weeks?

Oh I know this one, a panda with a rash?

 

[awest]

For sale: Nearly new.
Stage with assembly instructions,
1 box of fireworks,
1 box of red and white ribbons,
1 bag of confetti with 8 point blower.
Call Bill at Sunderland F.C.

 

[BackofJeanette]

Two Man Utd fans are walking down the street at five pm on a Saturday evening.

1st ManU fan: I couldn't make the game at Old Trafford today, I was at a
funeral. What was the score?
2nd ManU fan: We drew 0-0.
1st ManU fan: Who missed our penalty?

 

[Wheelsy]

Not a joke, but look what just happened to be on the Etihad in flight entertainment: