Noisy basta*ds

[theboyfrombrazil]

As i have said before

When the owner comes back from work jump him from behind and knock him out with a blunt instrument. Hessian sack over the head secured with tie wraps, bound the arms and legs in the boot of your car. Drive to a remote area and hang him upside down on a tree branch. Beat him with a baseball bat for 20 minutes or so or untill he is a bit tenderised. Knock him out again, strip him naked and drive back home.

As for the dog i dont know!!

^
This... only douse the sack in petrol, set fire to it, then beat the flames out with a cricket bat !!

 

[simonk]

thats what being cruel to be kind means

 

[Blue Maverick]

Paddy and his wife were laying in bed one night, being kept awake by the neighbours dog barking, outside in his neighbours garden.

After 20 minutes or so, Paddy got up and said "fook this, I'm going to sort this out"

Five minutes later, Paddy returned, "that's that sorted" he said

"What did you do" asked his wife "its still barking"

"I put the fooker in our garden - lets see how they like it"

Ha ha

 

[gordondaviesmoustache]

I have had what could laughingly be described as a feud with my next door neighbour for nearly eight years now.

When I moved in in 2004 he came round and introduced himself. "Hi I'm Andy" in what I would say was an Edinburgh accent. Just thought I'd welcome you etc.. Then at the end came his Columbo moment "ah yes, there's just one more thing. The tree in your garden overhangs into mine and I wondered if you could get it cut back".

Being an open tent sort of chap I agreed if we would pay half each, which he agreed to. When the tree surgeon came round with the bill - £145 - I gave him £75 (I have always been a big tipper) and told him to collect the balance from next door. About five minutes later he was back saying that Andy didn't know what I was talking about. I regret doing this, but I paid this guy the balance and vowed never to speak to the neighbour again. It's not that I am scared of conflict - quite the opposite - but I think my ego got the better of me and I didn't want to seem petty.

My wife thinks I should let bygones be bygones but I'm a very petty man (I realise that is somewhat in conflict with the last sentence). I do regret not confronting it at the time as it's too late now. Blanking him for eight years is not worth the price of him thinking he's got one over on me.

Not my finest hour that one.

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

I have had what could laughingly be described as a feud with my next door neighbour for nearly eight years now.

When I moved in in 2004 he came round and introduced himself. "Hi I'm Andy" in what I would say was an Edinburgh accent. Just thought I'd welcome you etc.. Then at the end came his Columbo moment "ah yes, there's just one more thing. The tree in your garden overhangs into mine and I wondered if you could get it cut back".

Being an open tent sort of chap I agreed if we would pay half each, which he agreed to. When the tree surgeon came round with the bill - £145 - I gave him £75 (I have always been a big tipper) and told him to collect the balance from next door. About five minutes later he was back saying that Andy didn't know what I was talking about. I regret doing this, but I paid this guy the balance and vowed never to speak to the neighbour again. It's not that I am scared of conflict - quite the opposite - but I think my ego got the better of me and I didn't want to seem petty.

My wife thinks I should let bygones be bygones but I'm a very petty man (I realise that is somewhat in conflict with the last sentence). I do regret not confronting it at the time as it's too late now. Blanking him for eight years is not worth the price of him thinking he's got one over on me.

Not my finest hour that one.

Just let it grow back again. The sense of satisfaction when it takes all the sunlight from his garden but he can't approach you about it will be worth £70. If he's hard faced enough to pop round and ask you to cut it back, spit in the ****'s face.

 

[gordondaviesmoustache]

I have had what could laughingly be described as a feud with my next door neighbour for nearly eight years now.

When I moved in in 2004 he came round and introduced himself. "Hi I'm Andy" in what I would say was an Edinburgh accent. Just thought I'd welcome you etc.. Then at the end came his Columbo moment "ah yes, there's just one more thing. The tree in your garden overhangs into mine and I wondered if you could get it cut back".

Being an open tent sort of chap I agreed if we would pay half each, which he agreed to. When the tree surgeon came round with the bill - £145 - I gave him £75 (I have always been a big tipper) and told him to collect the balance from next door. About five minutes later he was back saying that Andy didn't know what I was talking about. I regret doing this, but I paid this guy the balance and vowed never to speak to the neighbour again. It's not that I am scared of conflict - quite the opposite - but I think my ego got the better of me and I didn't want to seem petty.

My wife thinks I should let bygones be bygones but I'm a very petty man (I realise that is somewhat in conflict with the last sentence). I do regret not confronting it at the time as it's too late now. Blanking him for eight years is not worth the price of him thinking he's got one over on me.

Not my finest hour that one.

Just let it grow back again. The sense of satisfaction when it takes all the sunlight from his garden but he can't approach you about it will be worth £70. If he's hard faced enough to pop round and ask you to cut it back, spit in the ****'s face.

Already thought about that. It has sustained me for the last eight years. I just wish it would grow a bit fucking faster.

I'm not a spitting in people's faces sort of guy though, I'm afraid to say. I like tea towels though.

 

[glen quagmire]

I have had what could laughingly be described as a feud with my next door neighbour for nearly eight years now.

When I moved in in 2004 he came round and introduced himself. "Hi I'm Andy" in what I would say was an Edinburgh accent. Just thought I'd welcome you etc.. Then at the end came his Columbo moment "ah yes, there's just one more thing. The tree in your garden overhangs into mine and I wondered if you could get it cut back".

Being an open tent sort of chap I agreed if we would pay half each, which he agreed to. When the tree surgeon came round with the bill - £145 - I gave him £75 (I have always been a big tipper) and told him to collect the balance from next door. About five minutes later he was back saying that Andy didn't know what I was talking about. I regret doing this, but I paid this guy the balance and vowed never to speak to the neighbour again. It's not that I am scared of conflict - quite the opposite - but I think my ego got the better of me and I didn't want to seem petty.

My wife thinks I should let bygones be bygones but I'm a very petty man (I realise that is somewhat in conflict with the last sentence). I do regret not confronting it at the time as it's too late now. Blanking him for eight years is not worth the price of him thinking he's got one over on me.

Not my finest hour that one.

I fell out with the cunts next door a year ago. Same shit, although i did threaten to 'smash his fucking face in'. He's bigger than me as well! Anyhoo, he shat his keks and now they have taken to reporting everything possible to the authorities. They have a council house, so the council are always ringing me about something or other. The thing is, if the tree needs doing again, they get the council to pay for their half, and they want money from me.

I am now biding my time, as when my house sells, i will come back with a bally and bat him to smithereeens.

 

[Lavinda Past]

As per an earlier comment, just treat the dog to a few pieces of dark chocolate every day... It costs you a bit, but well worth it in the long run.

If anyone asks, I didn't tell you this, right?

Good luck!

 

[daveduke67]

A friend of mine gave a dog that was shitting on his lawn every day some laxatives. Laxatives designed for 15 stone men not 1 1/2 stone dogs.

Luckily the dog was ok but not until after it had shit all over the owners house. They had to get professional cleaners in to clean the carpets and decorators to repaint the walls.

He hasn't seen the dog wandering about since.

Bit of meat with one in won't stop the barking but at least you'll have the pleasure of knowing that the dog will be shitting all over the house - not pick-upable shit but runny soak into the carpet shit :-D

 

[Jocks Y-Fronts]

My mate had a similar problem years ago. Neighbours dog was always getting into his yard and ripping open the bin.
Mates son came in one evening and caught the dog, put it in the car, took in into the country and dumped it.

Problem solved.