Oddballs at your work

[uweuweuwe]

Worked with some loonies.

My first job there was a guy who would write a load of code then before he set it off to run would take an alarm clock out of his pocket set the alarm then set the code off running. Then sleep at his desk until the clock went off. No one said a word

Also worked with a bloke used to come into the office and kiss a photo of who I presumed was his wife/girlfriend (she looked alot younger than him) everyday before he started work. It wasn't until a few months later I found out the photo was of his bosses wife.

In another company we had a contractor come in to do some major work. He was the sort of guy who was genius bordering on the insane. He wouldn't sit on a chair and stood up most if the day and would talk to the computer on a regular basis. I used to give him a lift back into town sometimes as he was staying at the portland hotel. When I asked him what he did at night he told me he walked around chorlton street talking to the ladies of the night as he felt sorry for them standing outside. Also told me he fell in love with City when he was younger and when we got to the final in 68 he decided he would go and watch it. His parents went mad when he got home as he hadn't told them where he was going and he was only 12 and lived in Edinburgh.

 

[The Silver Surfer]

There was another guy i remember from a few years ago where i worked installing phone systems.
He'd start nearly every sentance with "trouble is..." it was a complete habit with him. It must have started by talking about technical issues but it extended to talking about fucking sandwich fillings!
Also, you'd go to a site with him and he'd drive as fast as possible. His favourite stretch on the motorway was the long bend from the east lancs (i think) onto the m60 towards prestwich. How he never overturned it I'll never know, he must've done it about 80 mph. I kicked off with the **** and refused to go out with him again.
His downfall was that he was a clever bloke and knew the systems inside out - that worked in his favor because he'd be able to wangle loads of overtime by flummoxing the managers telling them about all these made up problems he was facing with the installation/maintenance issue that they'd just ok it instead of having to listen to him drone on when they should've known the systems better than him.
He got sacked after they looked and found he'd made £25k more than anyone through overtime alone!

 

[mat]

A former union colleague of mine.

Used to go on every course going, start answering a question then turn it into one of his own war stories. Branch paid for his hotels for conference and head office for every 3 AGM's he went too before rules barred him for a year. On the first day, he'd go round asking delegates if he could sleep on the floor of your room. Majority told him to fuck off.

He's now a retired member and branch secretary of his own branch which has one member...

Farcical.

 

[inchy14]

Shitting shoes.

In the cellar/workshop where I used to work, there was a little toilet and it was one the boss used when he needed a shit, but he used to leave an old pair of moccasins in there so that when he needed a shit he'd swap his shoes then stand on the pan whilst shitting. Then change back before he left the toilet.

Odd **** he was.

 

[squirtyflower]

Shitting shoes.

In the cellar/workshop where I used to work, there was a little toilet and it was one the boss used when he needed a shit, but he used to leave an old pair of moccasins in there so that when he needed a shit he'd swap his shoes then stand on the pan whilst shitting. Then change back before he left the toilet.

Odd **** he was.

The question has to be asked.............





And how would you know this?

 

[Cellarite]

Shitting shoes.

In the cellar/workshop where I used to work, there was a little toilet and it was one the boss used when he needed a shit, but he used to leave an old pair of moccasins in there so that when he needed a shit he'd swap his shoes then stand on the pan whilst shitting. Then change back before he left the toilet.

Odd **** he was.

Is that you Martin?

 

[yeseye]

Used to work on the gas years ago fixing leaks etc outside people's houses. There was this excitable little fella who'd rap on people's doors when we needed access to the property shouting through the letterbox shouting 'Gas, Gas, Gas'. Considering most of our work at the time was in Prestwich, it wasn't a great idea tbh!
He hated his job and a few times I'd find him down the hole crying his eyes out, fcuking bizarre . He was a proper tight cvnt also and ate Rhubarb butties everyday for years as he'd grow it on his allotment the weird miser!

 

[happy daze]

It's not my work but my brother has talked about one of his colleagues who seems quite odd.

He collects the free metro newspapers on public transport and apparently has piles in his office, and when asked to tidy them away covered them with a tea towel and left them.

He searches bins and skips looking for hidden treasures, and my brother said he tried to kit the canteen out with 'new' cutlery he'd found round the corner. He also brought a scarf along to work and gifted it to a female colleague, and when she asked why it was dirty and wet it was revealed he found it in a puddle.

And maybe the strangest and most worrying thing - he keeps news articles about terrorist attacks and natural disasters in his drawer at work.

Lucky bastard I have to put up with piles 24/7 no matter where I am.