On a scale of 1-10

[Anonymous]

Of the ones I am willing to share, this is probably the tamest...

Was working away from home some years ago - was down in Southend. Anyway, we'd been to the Forresters Arms (think that's what is was called0 and had a laugh, beers, watched the strippers etc. The tame bit is that on the way back to the hotel, our driver wouldn't stop to let me have a piss, despite my protestations. I threatened to piss in the back of the car, he refused to stop, so I pissed in the back of the car. My colleague in the front passenger seat screamed "me fooking feet are ringing wet!!"

Another one I'm willing to share is on the way back from a heavy night out in town, we stopped at the Godfather on Kingsway for a kebab. I decided I wanted fried chicken, so went into Kansas next door. Was desperate for a piss and as the counter was chest high, decided to piss there and then in the shop while the lad was serving me.

Probably not in the same league as most of you, but there we go.

 

[Bluemanc100]

On detachment with the RAF we had a twat of a Sgt (before I became a twat of a Sgt) nicknamed Harry the Bastard

My mate was getting particular grief and decided to crack one off into Harry's soap dish....

The next morning , the sight of multiple eyebrow danglers almost brought a few of the lads to vommitting point...... He thought it was just scummy soap

Also... A mate of mine from my mob days Dai Miller a driver had a bar trick for new arrivals, he'd run his finger along the crack of his arse , hold it over his beer and say to the Newby, "does this beer smell funny to you?"...... Cue retching...... Dirty bastard!, funny mind

 

[bobmcfc]

This thread has classic potential

 

[117 M34]

Got a mates bird to suck me off for some vodka at his house party.

Wasn't even my vodka.

Considering all the filth on here i can't believe this has made me laugh so much.

Im minor league compared to some on here.

Best i can offer is when i was much younger 17/18 my Missus at the time always used to be dead paranoid about me sleeping with her brothers girlfirend i wasnt at all nothing had ever happened. She was that adamant though i decided fuck it and eventually banged her a few times.

Split up with my missus not too long after but her brother and his missus are still together and he doesnt have a clue.

Oh the shame!

You can go up a point if you tell him

 

[ChrisNUFC]

Got a mates bird to suck me off for some vodka at his house party.

Wasn't even my vodka.

Considering all the filth on here i can't believe this has made me laugh so much.

Im minor league compared to some on here.

Best i can offer is when i was much younger 17/18 my Missus at the time always used to be dead paranoid about me sleeping with her brothers girlfirend i wasnt at all nothing had ever happened. She was that adamant though i decided fuck it and eventually banged her a few times.

Split up with my missus not too long after but her brother and his missus are still together and he doesnt have a clue.

Oh the shame!

You can go up a point if you tell him

Surely the more morally corrupt thing to do would be to not tell him??

 

[MATCITY]

Considering all the filth on here i can't believe this has made me laugh so much.

Im minor league compared to some on here.

Best i can offer is when i was much younger 17/18 my Missus at the time always used to be dead paranoid about me sleeping with her brothers girlfirend i wasnt at all nothing had ever happened. She was that adamant though i decided fuck it and eventually banged her a few times.

Split up with my missus not too long after but her brother and his missus are still together and he doesnt have a clue.

Oh the shame!

You can go up a point if you tell him

Surely the more morally corrupt thing to do would be to not tell him??

Or say it to him then go "ha ha mate just pulling your chain"

 

[ChrisNUFC]

You can go up a point if you tell him

Surely the more morally corrupt thing to do would be to not tell him??

Or say it to him then go "ha ha mate just pulling your chain"

oh yes years of fun in that one!! Thats gotta move me up to at least a 7 imo

 

[carlos tevez is a blue]

During a unplanned wank, I realised I didn't have any tissues near at hand. I took off one of my socks and used that instead. Only to realise I didn't have a clean pair. I ended up having to put the spunk filled one back on.

 

[Hamann Pineapple]

This isn't me (genuinely!) but it's worth repeating.

A mate of mine used to own a nightclub and it's fair to say he entertained a few female customers in the office. It was like a conveyor belt tbh. He's fucked well over a thousand women, no word of a lie.

Anyway the previous owner had converted the top floor into a bar but he was a fucking idiot so he didn't get any permissions: planning etc so this room was dead space, but it had been fitted out. Included in this was some L-shaped fixed seating with a 'Last Supper' theme on there, I guess about four metres long.

Anyway he's in this room shagging this bird one night (presumably the manager was cashing up in the office) and he's about to deliver the payload and he ask the girl where she'd like it depositing:

"I want you to come on Jesus"

So he promptly wanked off into Jesus' face while the girl watched over.

That's just really really weird.

Is that like the second coming?

Wahey

 

[MATCITY]

During a unplanned wank, I realised I didn't have any tissues near at hand. I took off one of my socks and used that instead. Only to realise I didn't have a clean pair. I ended up having to put the spunk filled one back on.

no socks didn't occur to you at the time?