NewToTheBlue
Member
- Joined
- 23 Dec 2009
- Messages
- 19
blueshortshorts said:
LOL
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really REALLY **** jokes that still make you laugh
- Thread starter Kenney_The_Blue
- Start date
LOL
What do you get if you put a baby in a blender?
-An erection.
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
-One.
What do you call a Fish with no "i's"?
-Fsh.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Why did the Rabbit cross the road?
-It was nailed to the Goat.
What's Tartan and slippery?
-A Tartan slipper.
What's the difference between Neil Amrstrong and Michael Jackson?
-Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Michael Jackson touched children.
How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. Feminists can't change anything.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
-E.T. phoned home.
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. They use candles.
What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
-They both live off dead Beatles.
How do you get your dishwasher to work?
-Slap her.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
-The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe. The man orders himself a pint and gets a bottle of vodka for the Giraffe. The bar man questions the logic to which the man replies "don't worry, he's got a long neck". As the rounds progress for every pint the man has the Giraffe has a whole bottle of Vodka. As the bars closing the man and the Giraffe stumble outside where the Giraffe falls over to the ground in a drunken heap. The barman says "Oi, you can't leave that lying there", the man replies, "it's not a Lion, it's a Giraffe".
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese and there's 5 people in my family. It's either my Mum or Dad, or my older Brother Colin. Or it could be my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
Bloke walks into a fancy dress party completely starkers with a naked woman on his back. His mate says, what have you come as? Im a tortoise, says the bloke. Why have you got a naked woman on your back then? Its Michelle.
Ordered a pizza last night and asked for a thin and crusty supreme. They sent Diana Ross.
-An erection.
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
-One.
What do you call a Fish with no "i's"?
-Fsh.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Why did the Rabbit cross the road?
-It was nailed to the Goat.
What's Tartan and slippery?
-A Tartan slipper.
What's the difference between Neil Amrstrong and Michael Jackson?
-Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Michael Jackson touched children.
How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. Feminists can't change anything.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
-E.T. phoned home.
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
-None. They use candles.
What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
-They both live off dead Beatles.
How do you get your dishwasher to work?
-Slap her.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
-The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe. The man orders himself a pint and gets a bottle of vodka for the Giraffe. The bar man questions the logic to which the man replies "don't worry, he's got a long neck". As the rounds progress for every pint the man has the Giraffe has a whole bottle of Vodka. As the bars closing the man and the Giraffe stumble outside where the Giraffe falls over to the ground in a drunken heap. The barman says "Oi, you can't leave that lying there", the man replies, "it's not a Lion, it's a Giraffe".
1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese and there's 5 people in my family. It's either my Mum or Dad, or my older Brother Colin. Or it could be my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
Bloke walks into a fancy dress party completely starkers with a naked woman on his back. His mate says, what have you come as? Im a tortoise, says the bloke. Why have you got a naked woman on your back then? Its Michelle.
Ordered a pizza last night and asked for a thin and crusty supreme. They sent Diana Ross.
Barm.Kinky Dribbler said:What do you call a french man wearing sandals?
Phillipe Falloppe.
What does a mexican fireman call his 2 sons?
José and Hose B
A baker puts two muffins in an oven and lights it up.
One muffin says to the other, 'phwoar, it's getting hot in here now mate.'
The other muffin replies... 'FUCKING HELL! A TALKING MUFFIN!'
A
A
Anonymous
Guest
Fella goes for a job at a warehouse. Foreman says to him "can you brew up?" fella says "of course I can" and the foreman asks him "can you drive a forklift truck?" Fella replies "How bigs the fucking teapot?"
==========
At parent's evening Johnnys mum & dad are talking to the teacher and the teacher says "I think we need to have a talk about Johnny's behaviour. Last week we caught him playing doctor's and nurses with Mary."
Johnnys mum says "oh come on now, kids are always curious, I'm sure it was all innocent" and the teacher says "innocent? He was trying take her fucking appendix out."
==========
At parent's evening Johnnys mum & dad are talking to the teacher and the teacher says "I think we need to have a talk about Johnny's behaviour. Last week we caught him playing doctor's and nurses with Mary."
Johnnys mum says "oh come on now, kids are always curious, I'm sure it was all innocent" and the teacher says "innocent? He was trying take her fucking appendix out."
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
What's the difference between a 69er and a mugger? A 69er you see the cnut coming!
What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
What you call 2 Scotts hanging off a washing line? A pair of tights.
What's black and fucks crows? A shotgun.
What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.
What's Blue and screws old ladies? Hypothermia.
What's Quasimodo and sperm got in common? They both cling to the bellend.
Paddys in jail with a bloke with a huge cock. The bloke gets his dick out and bashes it against the toilet bowl. The bowl breaks. He then walks over to the prison bars and bashes it against them, the bars bend.
Paddy starts to shake nervously. " Right Paddy, I'm now gonna ram this right up your arse" to which paddy breathes a sigh of relief. " Than fuck for that... I thought you were gonna hit me with it."
What's long, hard and full of seamen? A submarine.
What you call 2 Scotts hanging off a washing line? A pair of tights.
What's black and fucks crows? A shotgun.
What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.
What's Blue and screws old ladies? Hypothermia.
What's Quasimodo and sperm got in common? They both cling to the bellend.
Paddys in jail with a bloke with a huge cock. The bloke gets his dick out and bashes it against the toilet bowl. The bowl breaks. He then walks over to the prison bars and bashes it against them, the bars bend.
Paddy starts to shake nervously. " Right Paddy, I'm now gonna ram this right up your arse" to which paddy breathes a sigh of relief. " Than fuck for that... I thought you were gonna hit me with it."