So I'm mental. Let's talk about it.

I have suffered with depression, anxiety, inferiority complex and OCD for years. It held back my life quite a bit. Reading Damocles article made me laugh and shake my head at the same time, it is funny and depressing all in one. Funny because you can relate.

The past few years talking about it to people where I volunteer makes me embrace it, and sort of makes me more confident too if that makes sense. I've sat at a pub mentioning how a lot of us have anxiety and depression and people open up and more join in the discussion and they feel more at ease and dont feel like they're the only ones. It's like a soundboard of men and women getting it off their chest.

I used to stare at the walls for 7 hours on and off some days. If I had to have a meeting or appointment and was out of my element i would try to avoid it. If I couldnt avoid it I had to know what to say, what room is it in, what door do I go in, do I have to bring anything anythinng etc. Overplaying things in my head where I couldnt sleep

I think us men dont speak about it enough, it's almost as if we have to be macho and 'man up' as they say

It's important to talk to people about it, dont bottle it up, you will be surprised how many people can be in the same boat. It will give you a lot more confidence in life I feel, it has helped with me slowly. It's never going to be perfect but I feel a lot better than I did
 
york away to this! said:
What an incredibly wide subject. Great post damo and hats off all round... someone earlier said about "normality". I don't think there is any such thing. We're all a bit normal, just in different ways... whilst clearly I'm a bit bonkers, the beautiful Mrs This! has recently come clean (awfully crass saying, I know, though that's half the point..) that she has has demonstrable characteristics that match with some "OCD" definitions... as do most us if we're honest. Are you on the spectrum? Of course. There's no "normal"...
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I hate the word normal, well pointed out. We are all individuals. Society wants us to act a certain way and be a certain way but we are all different. What's normal to me wont be normal to you
 
Damocles said:
Sorry mate, meant to come back to it.

Treatment wise, psychotherapy/CBT are really the best options in my opinion. They're both talking therapies (CBT is a subset of psychotherapy) but have different scopes - CBT is more about "how do we get you functioning" whereas traditional psychotherapy such as psychoanalysis is more "how do we understand this issue". Both are available on the NHS and you can be referred by your GP (or you can self refer but the GP is the quicker route I hear). Therapy is so personal but I prefer the CBT approach in terms of impact.

OCD is often caused by Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACES. There is evidence that it runs in families but not they've not found the genetic component which suggests a learnt behaviour. I grew up in a household which lacked emotional warmth and was at times neglectful, with a high anxiety level pretty much always present, so my "baseline" anxiety was higher than it should have been. As most neuro-development is done in childhood, that's ultimately where most of the "damage" is done to mental health.

There is evidence about the usage of SSRIs such as sertraline and fluoxetine seeing a decrease in obsessive thoughts and it's not really understood why. They seem to think though that if you take too much of them then it goes the other way and makes it worse.

The therapy is essentially based on reprogramming yourself and understanding the condition a bit better. One of the things that I tried to stress in the article is that OCD is so frustrating because you know that you're mad but can't lessen anxiety without doing them. This only further trains your brain that your compulsions are required to solve your obsessive thoughts. And you can also obsess about your obsession so that's a fun trap.

Ultimately OCD is basically "thinking too much" and the treatment is learning not to think as much. Part of my treatment is to do spontaneous things. So for example, if I want to visit a friend who lives in Newcastle then as long as you have the time, go and do it. Don't make grandiose plans about trains or motorways or what such and such a person will do and how you need to clear it with everything - just go and do it. The idea here being that it sort of retrains you into understanding that compulsions are unnecessary and the obsessions are obsessions. It differs heavily from person to person but "exposure" seems to be the trend with it.

Honestly, the biggest thing that I gained from engaging with mental health is understanding myself better. When you're undiagnosed with OCD, or at least when I was, it was an incredibly lonely and miserable existence because you knew that you couldn't do certain things comfortably but you didn't understand why. You feel like the most pathetic loser who has ever existed. After I was diagnosed with it, I was able to look at a ton of incidents in my life and understand my reactions and thoughts much better - it wasn't because I was pathetic but because I had these obsessional thoughts that at times crippled me. Just knowing that you have a problem was a huge boost to my self esteem and mental state.

I will say that when going into CBT, you sort of have to audition each other. As OCD is an anxiety condition that often comes with depression, some focus heavily on "solving anxiety" which isn't really "solving OCD". You need to get someone who is focused on the OCD part rather than the anxiety part. You also shouldn't be encouraged to ignore your OCD or dwell on the reasons for it - this leads to steps backwards. The best analogy I was given was about being stood at the side of a busy motorway. The oncoming cars represent all of the obsessive thoughts and people with OCD tend to run into the middle of the road to start trying to direct traffic. Instead you should be allowing the cars to go past and fade off into the distance naturally. You acknowledge them coming, watch them go past and head off without affecting you.

As I'm a bit of a reader, my guy suggested reading The Chimp Paradox to help me understand how the brain works. It's not a book focused on OCD but recognising the difference between the logical and emotional mind gave me a way to frame the issues a bit easier.
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Thanks Damo. There is a great deal in your description that has resonance for me. I appreciate you sharing it. In my case, I am an obsessive planner. I plan things that I believe take me out of my comfort zone. Trips to new places, holidays, house improvements, Each tiny detail worried over, over and over again, what ifs done to death, contingency plans thought through. Everything documented, Every waking and sleeping (yes I dream about this stuff) moment taken up with formulating the perfect plan. Everything documented and a ‘dossier’ compiled. Despite the fact I have done the trip from Scotland to the Etihad every couple of weeks for the last 5 years. I still have to sit down and plan every one so that I can be confident of parking (on the same drive) at the same 2 hours before kick off, so we could be in the stadium when the doors open to buy beers and pies and ensconce ourselves at same shelf every time. I get stressed if I am even 5 minutes late. This is absolutely normal behaviour for me but writing it down it is pretty bloody mad.

Although this behaviour has definately stopped me doing certain things in life - the spontaneous holiday, trip, course of action, it is also one of the strengths that made me a successful operational manager and then programme manager and director in my career. I can see that these behaviours have made me very difficult to live with at times and I am fortunate to have a forgiving and patient spouse that gets the fact that when I am ‘distant’ it’s only that I am populating a multi tiered project plan I’m my head.

I can trace these behaviours back to childhood when I had a ‘chaotic’ upbringing, moving to different parts of th3 country every year or so with not a great deal of structure to our lives. I have obviously overcompensated big time. I really should have thought about treatment when i worked. I retired at 56 when I was pretty much done in. Another year of another multi million programme might just have done for me.

So a different story to your own but with some parallels and the first time that I have told it.
 
This is one of those type of threads that I particularly like on here. One that allows men mostly, although Kaz is here too, to talk about stuff we find difficult and in most situations would avoid. Mental health and the vulnerability this brings through feeling either embarrassed or in some way less of a man for having what we see as a weakness.

Being brought up in the west of Scotland and of a certain vintage, the thought of talking about these type of things was never done. And I mean ever, That’s not to say they never existed, they did, they always have, but, a working class industrial mindset would rather have a full on bar brawl and lose, than sit and discuss that you felt anxiety, depression or OCD.

It just wasn’t done and pal’s could be sitting sharing these issues but not a word about it would be raised.

A few years ago this changed for my group of pals. Most of my mates are musicians and we have a studio where we would all meet every week for a jam, a drink and a smoke for those so inclined.

One of our mates was having relationship problems and in the early hours I was talking to him about it with about 8 of us left. His story of how anxious he was, how he was becoming several depressed and how he had suffered with this for years.

It was like a dam bursting. We all recognised what he was talking about and all, and I mean all, related our own situations to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. None of us had ever even admitted it to ourselves, never mind other people.

It was a weight off us all. We started to talk and to see how bottling it up meant it just festered and affected every part of our lives. I have always suffered from bouts of depression from time to time. I used to try and fight it, to deny it, to say to myself, fucking man up and deal with it. This never failed to make these periods worse.

I decided to employ and new strategy, rather than fight it, I would accept it as part of me. I would recognize the drift, but instead of being worried about it, I would recognise it as natural for me. I would go with the flow of it, rather than try and swim against it. I told people what was happening and how it affected me and not to think my withdrawing was anything to do with them.

It didn’t stop these bouts, but it reduced the depths of them. It reduced their longevity and it stopped me falling out with people. Mostly partners. When I opened up every woman I have ever been with said they knew, but didn’t know how to broach it.

I am now still afflicted, but recognising it’s just another part of me has helped me ride it out better.

Talking is great. Realising you aren’t alone gives you strength, you are able to help people and more importantly, get help in return.

This site has a lot of good people on it. Sarcastic as fuck, piss ripping fuckers, but that too is a defence mechanism, we laugh. We slag and are slagged but there is compassion too.

Not for me obviously, as I’m a Scottish **** who supports a team who can’t win in Europe, but others. :)

Well done writing this post Damocles, isolation in a situation can intensify feelings of anxiety. Finding out that there are others willing to stand beside each other and have their back can be as good as any medication.

Although, please don’t think that I have changed my view that you’re all a shower of cunts. But where I’m from, when someone says, he’s a good ****, is one of the highest compliments you can give.

There are plenty of good cunts on here and it’s a pleasure to know a part of you all on here.

Fuckers.
 
quiet_riot said:
Despite all he's done for the site, I've generally avoided @Damocles because he always seemed like he knows better than you, and could argue in an empty room.

So Damo, seeing your "internet you" stripped away and exposing a vulnerable person was quite humbling really, and made me feel bad about myself!

Superbly written though, can't begin to imagine what each day has the potential to be like for you.

Cap well and truly d'offed.
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Yea my thoughts exactly,but then when you read what he has to say makes a difference.

Had my fair share in the past, anxiety and depression and for me when faced with a problem I count various things if the total comes to something divisible by three disaster so I have to count other related objects which hopefully are divisible by four which is good except say twenty four because if you add the two and four that makes six which is divisible by three sixteens good though,mad I kjnow I have a line I recite in my head too four or eight times when stressed.

Anyway mad as a box of frogs yeah,I think sometimes it best to look at myself in the mirror and laugh at myself' in fact I try to laugh at many things to avoid the alternative.

Anyway Damo on the odd occasions I encountered you on here I didn't like you,see things differently,respect.
 
Magicpole said:
This is one of those type of threads that I particularly like on here. One that allows men mostly, although Kaz is here too, to talk about stuff we find difficult and in most situations would avoid. Mental health and the vulnerability this brings through feeling either embarrassed or in some way less of a man for having what we see as a weakness.

Being brought up in the west of Scotland and of a certain vintage, the thought of talking about these type of things was never done. And I mean ever, That’s not to say they never existed, they did, they always have, but, a working class industrial mindset would rather have a full on bar brawl and lose, than sit and discuss that you felt anxiety, depression or OCD.

It just wasn’t done and pal’s could be sitting sharing these issues but not a word about it would be raised.

A few years ago this changed for my group of pals. Most of my mates are musicians and we have a studio where we would all meet every week for a jam, a drink and a smoke for those so inclined.

One of our mates was having relationship problems and in the early hours I was talking to him about it with about 8 of us left. His story of how anxious he was, how he was becoming several depressed and how he had suffered with this for years.

It was like a dam bursting. We all recognised what he was talking about and all, and I mean all, related our own situations to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. None of us had ever even admitted it to ourselves, never mind other people.

It was a weight off us all. We started to talk and to see how bottling it up meant it just festered and affected every part of our lives. I have always suffered from bouts of depression from time to time. I used to try and fight it, to deny it, to say to myself, fucking man up and deal with it. This never failed to make these periods worse.

I decided to employ and new strategy, rather than fight it, I would accept it as part of me. I would recognize the drift, but instead of being worried about it, I would recognise it as natural for me. I would go with the flow of it, rather than try and swim against it. I told people what was happening and how it affected me and not to think my withdrawing was anything to do with them.

It didn’t stop these bouts, but it reduced the depths of them. It reduced their longevity and it stopped me falling out with people. Mostly partners. When I opened up every woman I have ever been with said they knew, but didn’t know how to broach it.

I am now still afflicted, but recognising it’s just another part of me has helped me ride it out better.

Talking is great. Realising you aren’t alone gives you strength, you are able to help people and more importantly, get help in return.

This site has a lot of good people on it. Sarcastic as fuck, piss ripping fuckers, but that too is a defence mechanism, we laugh. We slag and are slagged but there is compassion too.

Not for me obviously, as I’m a Scottish **** who supports a team who can’t win in Europe, but others. :)

Well done writing this post Damocles, isolation in a situation can intensify feelings of anxiety. Finding out that there are others willing to stand beside each other and have their back can be as good as any medication.

Although, please don’t think that I have changed my view that you’re all a shower of cunts. But where I’m from, when someone says, he’s a good ****, is one of the highest compliments you can give.

There are plenty of good cunts on here and it’s a pleasure to know a part of you all on here.

Fuckers.
Click to expand...
****
 
Magicpole said:
This is one of those type of threads that I particularly like on here. One that allows men mostly, although Kaz is here too, to talk about stuff we find difficult and in most situations would avoid. Mental health and the vulnerability this brings through feeling either embarrassed or in some way less of a man for having what we see as a weakness.

Being brought up in the west of Scotland and of a certain vintage, the thought of talking about these type of things was never done. And I mean ever, That’s not to say they never existed, they did, they always have, but, a working class industrial mindset would rather have a full on bar brawl and lose, than sit and discuss that you felt anxiety, depression or OCD.

It just wasn’t done and pal’s could be sitting sharing these issues but not a word about it would be raised.

A few years ago this changed for my group of pals. Most of my mates are musicians and we have a studio where we would all meet every week for a jam, a drink and a smoke for those so inclined.

One of our mates was having relationship problems and in the early hours I was talking to him about it with about 8 of us left. His story of how anxious he was, how he was becoming several depressed and how he had suffered with this for years.

It was like a dam bursting. We all recognised what he was talking about and all, and I mean all, related our own situations to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. None of us had ever even admitted it to ourselves, never mind other people.

It was a weight off us all. We started to talk and to see how bottling it up meant it just festered and affected every part of our lives. I have always suffered from bouts of depression from time to time. I used to try and fight it, to deny it, to say to myself, fucking man up and deal with it. This never failed to make these periods worse.

I decided to employ and new strategy, rather than fight it, I would accept it as part of me. I would recognize the drift, but instead of being worried about it, I would recognise it as natural for me. I would go with the flow of it, rather than try and swim against it. I told people what was happening and how it affected me and not to think my withdrawing was anything to do with them.

It didn’t stop these bouts, but it reduced the depths of them. It reduced their longevity and it stopped me falling out with people. Mostly partners. When I opened up every woman I have ever been with said they knew, but didn’t know how to broach it.

I am now still afflicted, but recognising it’s just another part of me has helped me ride it out better.

Talking is great. Realising you aren’t alone gives you strength, you are able to help people and more importantly, get help in return.

This site has a lot of good people on it. Sarcastic as fuck, piss ripping fuckers, but that too is a defence mechanism, we laugh. We slag and are slagged but there is compassion too.

Not for me obviously, as I’m a Scottish **** who supports a team who can’t win in Europe, but others. :)

Well done writing this post Damocles, isolation in a situation can intensify feelings of anxiety. Finding out that there are others willing to stand beside each other and have their back can be as good as any medication.

Although, please don’t think that I have changed my view that you’re all a shower of cunts. But where I’m from, when someone says, he’s a good ****, is one of the highest compliments you can give.

There are plenty of good cunts on here and it’s a pleasure to know a part of you all on here.

Fuckers.
Click to expand...
Soppy twat :)
 
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