The groom has been sent down twice - phrases to describe lucky for best man's speech

[RiversideBlue]

Something along the lines of.... I've just found out that they're going to the Caribbean on honeymoon. I thought they were going to North Wales. When I asked the groom what he intended to do after the wedding he told me he was going to Bangor for a fortnight! (bang her)

 

[RiversideBlue]

He's been to prison twice but this might be his longest sentence.

 

[johnnytapia]

Great to see so many non-prison- mentioning responses here. What a helpful bunch we are

 

[denislawsbackheel]

My old Ma used to say
If he fell off the Co-Op he’d land in the Divvi.

 

[talkativesprout]

I'm looking for a bit of help from the resident wags. I'm doing a best man's speech at the weekend . The truth is that the groom has been sent down twice and yet is now a millionaire but I can't mention prison so I'm theming it along the lines that the groom is unbelievably lucky in life. I want to thrown in some amusing phrases but the only one that springs to mind is that if he stepped in shit he'd smell of roses but I know there are better ones.

Can anyone help with any similar phrases?

If he fell off a cliff he would land in a barrel of Fannies

We’ve now reached the point in the proceedings when we all get to see the (Your mate) shift uncomfortably in his seat and grip the tablecloth. That’s right. I’ve invited Bubba, who i believe you once shared a room with on holiday and assures me you will make a lovely partner

 

[Mid Wales blue]

'This is a speech I banged up over awhile'

'It's been a bit of a release to get this far without further incident'

'The groom's been quite nervous over this speech, he's even been sent down...to get more beer/wine for his nerves'

'The bride, looks absolutely gorgeous, she should be locked up' - something approx like that

'So, raise you glasses, and lets put them all together in a clink...'

'The groom's looking a bit gaolish, it's as though he's seen a ghost' - pun alert.

Get hold of a pair of handcuff's - '... and they might be needing these later tonight, though Groom already has a few already, I gather'

Don’t forget, his newly wed wife will need a strap on, for when he bends down in the shower to pick up the soap!

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

If only the waiting staff had the bollocks to tell him to collect his wedding dinner from the hatch

 

[Kinkybyname]

he'll be going down again tonight

or, it's her turn to go down this time

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Have you mentioned the fact that he has one or two strange ways.

 

[Paladin]

Groom wanted to have porridge for his wedding breakfast.