The groom has been sent down twice - phrases to describe lucky for best man's speech

[stonerblue]

I'm looking for a bit of help from the resident wags. I'm doing a best man's speech at the weekend . The truth is that the groom has been sent down twice and yet is now a millionaire but I can't mention prison so I'm theming it along the lines that the groom is unbelievably lucky in life. I want to thrown in some amusing phrases but the only one that springs to mind is that if he stepped in shit he'd smell of roses but I know there are better ones.

Can anyone help with any similar phrases?

If he fell off the co-op he'd land in the divvy .
More jam than Hartley.

 

[Didsbury Dave]

is he a nightclub operator?…

No he isn’t.

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Mention the weather...bad....the groom's gone inside
His suit, the material, the groom's collar's felt.

Then there has to be more than a few classic lines from Ronnie Barkers Porridge that you could squeeze in.

 

[roman totale]

Come back up more times than the OceanGate Titan.

 

[gordondaviesmoustache]

No he isn’t.

Sounds like one x

 

[KS55]

Something along the lines of.... I've just found out that they're going to the Caribbean on honeymoon. I thought they were going to North Wales. When I asked the groom what he intended to do after the wedding he told me he was going to Bangor for a fortnight! (bang her)

They could go to Cockermouth.

 

[BlueMojito]

He bust a mirror and got 7 years bad luck but his lawyer got it down to 5.

He's so lucky that the same week he won the lottery some relatives he'd lost contact with got in touch

His new mother in law is an angel. He's a lucky bastard, mine is still alive.


Before he met his lovely wife he used to run a dating agency for chickens. But he was struggling to make hens meet....


He asked his wife if he was the only one she's slept with. She said yes as the others were 7 or 8's.

OK enough now. :-)

 

[brazilians hurt]

No one could ever accuse the groom of not knowing the value of second chances, well to be accurate third chances

 

[MCFC Wirral]

Didsbury “Archbishop of Banterbury” Dave.

 

[Stephen230]

You can’t beat the old bowling ball joke. The first bit is interchangeable but always ends with having three fingers in her.