The language of management BS

[Penfold the Duke]

Corporate B.S. Generator

Think Simon Jordan uses this.

 

[idahoblues]

You’re late you ****! You’re buying the beer

 

[Citizen of Legoland]

On a similar note but more about management “speak”
I was so pleased to retire and get out into the real world full time having been a pretty high up manager was engaged daily with middle class peer groups who were right up their own arses and revelled in adopting the latest management speak “reaching out to people” ffs the old stalwart “thinking outside the box” etc etc etc
Spending a full day in a management meeting building the latest “mission statement” with 10 overpaid idiots (me included I guess) to come up with a punchy one line fucking sentence lol
Then to cap it all only yesterday I went onto my old LinkedIn account mainly to delete the fucking thing but was bemused to read the new job titles all my ex colleagues have had bestowed on them
A service manager has become the “Vice President of Global Service Delivery” ffs they are all Presidents Vice Presidents or at least have the word Director in their job titles
Thank fuck I’m out of it and can focus on being a good old working class yob from gorton who happened to infiltrate their ranks, I liken my story to City fucking up the Top Tables of UEFA and EPL lol

Had that at Barclays Knutsford, VP of This, VP of That.

Then there’s that Town Hall crap that seems to be creeping in everywhere, it’s just a bloody meeting for everyone. Town Hall my arse!

 

[TShed]

Had that at Barclays Knutsford, VP of This, VP of That.

Then there’s that Town Hall crap that seems to be creeping in everywhere, it’s just a bloody meeting for everyone. Town Hall my arse!

Once worked on Barclays when ICL CFM (pre Fujitsu) had the outsourced contract
By todays standards I’d have been The Honourable Executive President Principal European Service Director for Global Banking Contracts lol

 

[supercity88]

I was speaking to my local Vice President of domestic deliveries (postman) about this the other day whilst I was putting the bag of miscellaneous non-edible non-recyclable collections (bin) out for the Council's Head Waste Operative (binman).

 

[metalblue]

It's an environment I wouldn't last 5 mins in. Going to work and wearing a tie, arsing about on a computer in an office, team bonding, meeting targets, or whatever it is they do, answering to some oddball who attempts to motivate etc..
So glad I chose the building trade where I work for myself, answer to no-one and have a laugh with mainly normal people and proper blokes.
Get a trade is still the best advice to give anyone.

It wasn’t always like it is now. When I first started in my industry if you had a problem with someone you’d offer them outside for a fight. Sometimes, if it was particularly serious, you’d not even do them thr curtesy of offering them outside. One occasion that will always stick with me is when one of the old hands ran the length of the office and landed a flying kick on a particularly unpopular member of staff. The big boss saw what had happened and said he didn’t think the old hand had it in him and how he must promote him. HR who were brilliant largely locked themselves away keeping themselves to themselves.

I distinctly remember the turning point - one lad, who had once mentioned he was wanted by police abroad, had thrown a TV out of a top floor hotel room after our industry annual event and had to resign. Shortly after the big boss moved on - well the big big boss was arrested and my boss moved on and that’s when it all started to become a bit more corporate. They tried to make one lad redundant and he visited my new boss on the golf course with a few mates and, I understand, it was all a big misunderstanding and an admin error and he got reinstated - he still works there to this day.

 

[Vic]

40 years ago I had some media training. "Avoid jargon," said the tutor.

He cited a London Transport executive he'd interviewed. "We must take cognisance of the pedestrian element in the modal split."

"You mean, some people walk to work?"

 

[Kinkybyname]

40 years ago I had some media training. "Avoid jargon," said the tutor.

He cited a London Transport executive he'd interviewed. "We must take cognisance of the pedestrian element in the modal split."

"You mean, some people walk to work?"

this needs to be 'cascaded'

 

[mancboy]

this needs to be 'cascaded'

when someone says something like that my immediate thought is water needs to be cascaded down on your head in the form of water torture

 

[Sky Blue Thinking]

It wasn’t always like it is now. When I first started in my industry if you had a problem with someone you’d offer them outside for a fight. Sometimes, if it was particularly serious, you’d not even do them thr curtesy of offering them outside. One occasion that will always stick with me is when one of the old hands ran the length of the office and landed a flying kick on a particularly unpopular member of staff. The big boss saw what had happened and said he didn’t think the old hand had it in him and how he must promote him. HR who were brilliant largely locked themselves away keeping themselves to themselves.

I distinctly remember the turning point - one lad, who had once mentioned he was wanted by police abroad, had thrown a TV out of a top floor hotel room after our industry annual event and had to resign. Shortly after the big boss moved on - well the big big boss was arrested and my boss moved on and that’s when it all started to become a bit more corporate. They tried to make one lad redundant and he visited my new boss on the golf course with a few mates and, I understand, it was all a big misunderstanding and an admin error and he got reinstated - he still works there to this day.

If colleagues were on the same page as each other there would be no need for scrapping.